Top 10 Things Chilean Miners Will Be Faced With

For two months 33 Chilean miners have been trapped since a mine collapse.

It’s just damn sad. To think of husbands, fathers, human beings trapped that far underground for so long.

Regardless, it’s a testament to human-strength as they fight through a blip in their life so they can come to the surface and continue on.

But despite all that, I’m left wondering what they have to face when they finally breech the Earth’s surface?

So, I’ve come-up with a quick top 10 things the Chilean Miners will have to deal with when they reach the Earth’s surface:

1) TMZ reporters immediately throw before and after photos of the miners on the web claiming, “ummm, clearly the Chilean diet is a fad, those sons-of-bitches have loose skin, saggy faces, and clearly looked stressed.”

2) US Republicans blame Obama and the Democrats for it taking too long save them.

3) New York Governor Republican Nominee Carl Paladino accidentally confuses the rescue as an anti-gay headquarters ribbon cutting and snips the line to the rescue elevator with a large pair of golden scissors.

4) Couldn’t have been said better than by @ieatmykidzsnack on Twitter, claiming “I can't wait for the first miner with both a wife & mistress waiting for him to come up, see them & be like, ‘Umm lower me down. I'm good.’

5) Interpretations of cave drawings left by the “cool miners” picking on the “douche miners.”

6) Paying property taxes for the additional land they lived on for three months.

7) Being judges of “Buried Alive” the new hit TV show where they burry your asses alive for three months, watch you, sell advertising, talk shit about you, and then give the remaining survivor $1,000.

8) One of the miners writing the “tell-all” about the joint masturbation-station where they “relieved” themselves to crude sketches on the wall.

9) Miners immediately killing themselves when finding out Justin Beaver (yes, I know!!! It’s Beiber, but shit I love calling him Beaver) is still on the music charts.

10) Their kids are wearing sex bracelets and they just think Madonna has made a comeback.

It’s a sad story. But it’s an amazing rescue effort. And, for the first time, it’s damn amazing to see such terrific coverage of something so positive.

Welcome back to the surface Miners!

I Got Interviewed!

A few days ago I got a kick-ass email from Ms. Sarah Fader (@Osnsmom on Twitter.)

She said, “I want to Q & A you dude!!”

How in the hell could I say no?

So, I plowed through some questions, dug through a few digital albums of photos, and here we have it, my response to her questions.

I hope you enjoy, learn more about this brother, and start following her badass blog!

Here’s the Q & A! Enjoy!



She's a Winner!!!

We have a winner to my contest launched last week which asked readers to answer the question “why is daddy crying?” This contest was motivated by the new 3-minute animated short based on this blog, created by JC Little with Little Animation. If you haven’t seen it – check it out here.

Our world class judges from Twitter: @IEatMyKidzSnack, @Tessasdad, and @nuckingfutsmama worked hard to pick our winner, pouring over 30 submissions from around the globe.

And the winner is!!!! Cortney Allen, or (@Ulesss on Twitter.)

Her winning response:

“Daddy isn't crying because he is frustrated. Or overworked. Or undersexed. Not because he has to wipe noses and wipe asses. Not because he got kicked in the nuts accidentally by a tantrum throwing kid. Not because the messes and arguments never end, and the quiet time is all too little. He isn't crying about the amount of sleep he gets, or doesn't get. And he is definitely not crying because he just can't get the last word in "I fantasize" battles, no matter how hard he tries.

He IS crying because the little joys of being a Dad sometimes overwhelm the manly exterior, and a sincere "you're the best, Daddy" is too much to take. He's crying at the wealth of pride he feels when one of the little fuckers learns a life lesson, gets an awesome grade, or crosses the finish line. He's crying because he and the toddler have the same dancing skills, or hold a pencil the same way, or have the same smile. He's crying because of the indescribable joy of having kids.

At least that's why the Daddy in our house is crying. And that's precisely the reason Daddy SHOULD be crying.”

And now…let’s get to know Ms. Allen with a quick Q&A!

In 140 characters or less, describe yourself to us!

I am first and foremost, a BIG nerd. A lover of music, art, debate and food. Especially food. My kids are my world, and I love meeting people.

Have you or have you not ever considered being a glove model, and why?

As a surgical tech., I modeled many medical gloves. But unless there is a short and stubby finger glove niche, I'm out of luck.

So why the Twitter name @Uless

Haha, great question. Let us rewind to December of 1983. My parents were so overjoyed at the birth of their baby girl, that they didn't notice they spelled my name Cortney, not Courtney, on the birth certificate form. Well, either that or they were just being mean. At my last job, there was a Courtney working there already. It became confusing in the OR one day, so one of the anesthesiologists decided that because I had no U in my name, he would refer to me as "uless". It kind of stuck. 

Yesterday when I was all alone I had a hankering for some potato chips. So, I busted out a small bag of potato skins and freakin’ plowed through them. They were sooo freakin’ good. Especially with the 24 oz beer I enjoyed with it. Oh…and of course, I had no pants on.

Not sure how to respond to the potato skin story, other than I had a very similar experience with a bag of Oreos at 2 am last Friday night. 

When your first born finished entering the world, what was your first thought/words?

Honestly? I would love to say that my first thought was how much I instantly fell in love with my baby, or something else sentimental. That would be a close second. I think my first real thought was, holy crap, that was way harder than I thought it would be. Someone get me some drugs!

Name one thing you’d shove up BP’s leaky oil pipe to shut it the hell down?

I knew the answer to this instantly. If we could shove Glenn Beck in the leaky oil pipe, we could not only rid the Gulf of the oil pollution, but the world of a lot of noise pollution as well!

And what does this young rock star win? She wins a hand-crafted, hand-picked, amazingly phenomenal care package created by JC Little of Little Animation and myself. And, I promise to send some of my dirty underwear.

What’s in the “phenomenal” care package?

• Little Animation’s children’s animation 2 DVD’s “Kid Stories International” & “Little Earth Charter” found at www.littleanimation.com/shop
• Gift certificate to Toys R Us
• A “Planet Earth” baby onsie – super comfort, 100% cotton jersey knit from Little Animation’s www.cafepress.com/littleanimation shop.  
• Picture of me when I was 20 wearing no shirt and holding three Amber Jack I caught on a deep-sea fishing trip.
• An opportunity to exclusively babysit my kids every weekend for an entire year
• Dick’s Sporting Goods gift certificate
• Dot & Lil ( @DotandLil on Twitter) limited edition Spring & Summer 2010 bath set seen here:



Huge News!! & A Contest of All Contests

I have huge news!!! And no…the wife is not pregnant. It’s not possible anymore…but that’s a whole other blog post.

In honor of the upcoming Father’s Day on Monday, June 14^th, an amazingly awesome three-minute animation short created by animator JC Little (@littleanimation on Twitter) will be launched on this blog and on Little Animation's YouTube channel.

The best description of the animated short is the one crafted by the amazing JC Little of Little Animation:

“At the mercy of his ninja son, his aspiring-princess daughter and his apparently disinterested wife, Daddy seems to be on the verge of tears. But what actually makes him cry may surprise you. A heart-warming and humorous look at fatherhood, inspired by the blog www.WhyIsDaddyCrying.com."

Or, as she told me, “it’s my response to the question ‘why is daddy crying?’”

So now it’s your turn…

Contest Time!

With the help of the following kick-ass amazing Twitter friends and parent bloggers who will be our judges:

@NuckingFutsMomma

@IEatMyKidzSnack

@TessasDad

We are asking you the age old question, “Why Is Daddy Crying?!?”

Comment on this blog post with your best answer. Lay it out there. Don’t be shy. Hit us with your best shot.

What’s in it for you?

A hand-crafted, hand-picked, amazingly phenomenal care package created by JC Little of Little Animation and myself. And, I promise not to send any of my dirty underwear.

What’s in the “phenomenal” care package?

• Little Animation’s children’s animation 2 DVD’s “Kid Stories International” & “Little Earth Charter” found at www.littleanimation.com/shop
• Gift certificate to Toys R Us
• A “Planet Earth” baby onsie – super comfort, 100% cotton jersey knit from Little Animation’s www.cafepress.com/littleanimation shop.  
• Picture of me when I was 20 wearing no shirt and holding three Amber Jack I caught on a deep-sea fishing trip.
• An opportunity to exclusively babysit my kids every weekend for an entire year
• Dick’s Sporting Goods gift certificate
• Dot & Lil ( @DotandLil on Twitter) limited edition Spring & Summer 2010 bath set seen here:

Come on. Comment…answer the question…Deadline is end of day Tuesday, June 15! The winner will be announced Thursday, June 17!

Only rule is...Please try to keep the submissions as clean as possible!! Many thanks and so finally - let me have it - Why Is Daddy Crying???!!!!



Burn Bieber Burn!!! The Wife & I Discuss Justin Bieber

So yesterday I was minding my own business…trying to come up with a new “fantasy slam” for my Twitter bud @IeatMyKizSnack when all of a sudden I read a tweet from her saying she’s become a fan of Justin Bieber’s bullshit, musical foulness.

I’d laughed so many times at her anti-Bieber tweets -- her bashing of the young, innocent buck in his juvenile journey through stardom. And now, a mere 48 hours after one shit-stained performance on SNL and the lady I looked-up to as a refreshing rogue Twitter-gal had turned into a Bieber-lover. I was heartbroken.

I came home, slammed the door shut, threw my stuff on the ground like a spoiled teenage brat and said to the wife, “This Bieber shit’s gone too far!!”

Wife: “What the hell is a ‘Bieber’?”

Me: “Justin Bieber!!! That two-bit hack of a human who’s this year’s poster-child for how incredibly horrific the music industry has become!”

Wife: “OK there geek music boy. Slow down, let me get you some beer and start over.”

Me: “No seriously, this prepubescent shit rolls up, makes some really horrific music on YouTube, wears his hat tilted to the left just so, and BAM! he’s got Simon Cowell wearing knee-pads and writing home to “mummy” about how he feels something “all tingly in me bits-n-pieces at night!”

Wife: “Wow…Oh shit, American Idol’s on right now. Hand me the remote!”

Me: “SEE!!! OK look, you know I love music more than anything, right?! Well…I mean, second to you…oh, and the kids…”

Wife: “Dear lord just finish…”

Me: “Just promise me you’ll never…NEVER play Justin Bieber or anything remotely shitty to our children without first running it by me? His lyrics are written for him, his ‘look’ is managed by an agent, his beats are produced by focus groups, and MTV probably owns 98% of everything he is. He represents everything that is wrong with music today!!”

Wife: “You really need to funnel your musical passion into something a bit more constructive!”

Me: “Just promise you’ll never play Justin Bieber or any other pop-bullshit to our children!”

Wife: “Your children may or may not have heard La Bouche the other day while I was taking them to school… I’m just sayin’!”

Me: “A piece of me just died.”

Wife: “I just want you to ‘Be My Lover.’”

Me: “I have to go see my therapist now. Just know that I’ll be talking about you.”

Wife: “OK honey. I’ll be asleep…so when you get home…have ‘Sweet Dreams!’”

Me: “Jackass…”