Top 10 Things Chilean Miners Will Be Faced With
Wednesday, October 13, 2010 at 5:51AM For two months 33 Chilean miners have been trapped since a mine collapse.
It’s just damn sad. To think of husbands, fathers, human beings trapped that far underground for so long.
Regardless, it’s a testament to human-strength as they fight through a blip in their life so they can come to the surface and continue on.
But despite all that, I’m left wondering what they have to face when they finally breech the Earth’s surface?
So, I’ve come-up with a quick top 10 things the Chilean Miners will have to deal with when they reach the Earth’s surface:
1) TMZ reporters immediately throw before and after photos of the miners on the web claiming, “ummm, clearly the Chilean diet is a fad, those sons-of-bitches have loose skin, saggy faces, and clearly looked stressed.”
2) US Republicans blame Obama and the Democrats for it taking too long save them.
3) New York Governor Republican Nominee Carl Paladino accidentally confuses the rescue as an anti-gay headquarters ribbon cutting and snips the line to the rescue elevator with a large pair of golden scissors.
4) Couldn’t have been said better than by @ieatmykidzsnack on Twitter, claiming “I can't wait for the first miner with both a wife & mistress waiting for him to come up, see them & be like, ‘Umm lower me down. I'm good.’
5) Interpretations of cave drawings left by the “cool miners” picking on the “douche miners.”
6) Paying property taxes for the additional land they lived on for three months.
7) Being judges of “Buried Alive” the new hit TV show where they burry your asses alive for three months, watch you, sell advertising, talk shit about you, and then give the remaining survivor $1,000.
8) One of the miners writing the “tell-all” about the joint masturbation-station where they “relieved” themselves to crude sketches on the wall.
9) Miners immediately killing themselves when finding out Justin Beaver (yes, I know!!! It’s Beiber, but shit I love calling him Beaver) is still on the music charts.
10) Their kids are wearing sex bracelets and they just think Madonna has made a comeback.
It’s a sad story. But it’s an amazing rescue effort. And, for the first time, it’s damn amazing to see such terrific coverage of something so positive.
Welcome back to the surface Miners!
Justin Beaver, Madonna, TMZ, Twitter, cave drawings, chilean miners, masturbation, news
Reader Comments (9)
The "Tell All" did me in....laughed out loud and my baby up...I blame you.
Yeah, the "Tell All" got me too! I'm sure there will be a book out about it, all their intimate discussions..the writings on the walls....oh, I can't wait!!! LMAO!!!
What about the years worth of baby back ribs they'll receive from Chili's?
What about picking who will play them in the HBO Original movie?
What about the fact that they need to report back to work again on Monday?
What about the fact that this story touched you so much as a father and a journalist that you'll weep whenever you eat Chilean sea bass?
Very good post.
You totally forgot to mention the law-suit they are going to get form Oakley for not mentioning their donation 7 times during a press conference.
Awww shit daddy. You got Jersey'd. By an idiot savant.
Number 8 was my favorite....hawkward..
Funny as shit post! #3 made me pee my pants. What? Just a little.
Clinton complaining he could have got in that hole much quicker when he was president - oh they wanted to get miners out of the hole?
Odd jokes on how many Chileans it takes to get stuck in a mine.
Going to parties and listening to people's chit chat about how afraid of the dark they are, how claustrophobic they are in elevators, how tough it is to be on travel for 2 weeks away from family.
Going back to that mine again - ever!
Dealing with the other 32 miners on what really happened down there.
Explaining to their wives that they really did have to work overtime.