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« To My Wife On Our Anniversary | Main | Scared Shitless »

Burn Bieber Burn!!! The Wife & I Discuss Justin Bieber

So yesterday I was minding my own business…trying to come up with a new “fantasy slam” for my Twitter bud @IeatMyKizSnack when all of a sudden I read a tweet from her saying she’s become a fan of Justin Bieber’s bullshit, musical foulness.

I’d laughed so many times at her anti-Bieber tweets -- her bashing of the young, innocent buck in his juvenile journey through stardom. And now, a mere 48 hours after one shit-stained performance on SNL and the lady I looked-up to as a refreshing rogue Twitter-gal had turned into a Bieber-lover. I was heartbroken.

I came home, slammed the door shut, threw my stuff on the ground like a spoiled teenage brat and said to the wife, “This Bieber shit’s gone too far!!”

Wife: “What the hell is a ‘Bieber’?”

Me:Justin Bieber!!! That two-bit hack of a human who’s this year’s poster-child for how incredibly horrific the music industry has become!”

Wife: “OK there geek music boy. Slow down, let me get you some beer and start over.”

Me: “No seriously, this prepubescent shit rolls up, makes some really horrific music on YouTube, wears his hat tilted to the left just so, and BAM! he’s got Simon Cowell wearing knee-pads and writing home to “mummy” about how he feels something “all tingly in me bits-n-pieces at night!”

Wife: “Wow…Oh shit, American Idol’s on right now. Hand me the remote!”

Me: “SEE!!! OK look, you know I love music more than anything, right?! Well…I mean, second to you…oh, and the kids…”

Wife: “Dear lord just finish…”

Me: “Just promise me you’ll never…NEVER play Justin Bieber or anything remotely shitty to our children without first running it by me? His lyrics are written for him, his ‘look’ is managed by an agent, his beats are produced by focus groups, and MTV probably owns 98% of everything he is. He represents everything that is wrong with music today!!”

Wife: “You really need to funnel your musical passion into something a bit more constructive!”

Me: “Just promise you’ll never play Justin Bieber or any other pop-bullshit to our children!”

Wife: “Your children may or may not have heard La Bouche the other day while I was taking them to school… I’m just sayin’!”

Me: “A piece of me just died.”

Wife: “I just want you to ‘Be My Lover.’”

Me: “I have to go see my therapist now. Just know that I’ll be talking about you.”

Wife: “OK honey. I’ll be asleep…so when you get home…have ‘Sweet Dreams!’”

Me: “Jackass…”


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Reader Comments (11)

Love love love this post! Seriously lmao!! I hope Therapy is productive! ;)

April 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJae

Love it!!! My students sing his music over and over (even the boys), it is like torture. My seven year old wants to play his songs and I distract her with new music by Miley Cyrus. What has happened to my life??!! ;)

April 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDopeysmom

Had avoided him until SNL the other night. Lucky for me I have a DVR and could fastforward through his crap. Really - why not just ACTUALLY bring back the guys who sang the same songs with the same voice in the 90's. Or the ones from the 80's.


April 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRobMonroe

Wait, MTV still plays music? I'm confused... Long Live Justin BEAVER!!!

April 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterOut-Numbered

who the hell IS Justin Bieber???

April 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarrie

I too hate Justin Bieber. He looks like one of Disney's little brat princes. I often watch Chelsea Lately and this little turd invaded my show. I promptly turned off the interview segment. I am glad to know there is someone else out there that hates this little shit. I can't wait for his awkward period when he gets zits and his voice cracks, maybe then he'll go away for a while.

April 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersabreena

Who wants to see video of daddy naked?

April 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLady of the House

Hahaha! Justin Bieber does my head in. I mean, the kid barely has pubes and is a millionaire. How is that fair?!

April 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBen

Dude- have faith. Even my six-year old hates his music (but then, he's a fan of ZZ Top, so there you go). Hopefully your kids will be immune, but if not - you DO know the quickest route to the nearest liquor store, right?

What am I saying. You probably have an account there.

Rock on.

April 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrish

Justin Bieber is a cock-smoking assjacket that wouldn't know what to do with a beaver if it was sitting on his face. But I would......

April 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJ.R. Reed

Regardless of who is managing his life and career, he's still just a kid. You may not like his music, but remember, he is someone's teenage son...Don't you have a son Daddy? Give the kid a break. Yes, his music is canned, yes, his music is pop, but shit, the kid IS a MILLIONAIRE because OUR kids love him and his music. Quite frankly...WE MAKE THESE KIDS RICH...we buy their stuff for our kids...okay...maybe we don't, but parents do. I'd rather have my kid listening to Justin eek out One Less Loney Girl, than to listen to some rap singer calling her a Ho.
Just saying.

April 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterManiacal Mom

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