Returning the Favor

Yeah, I just got back from a dude weekend. It’s true.

I hopped a flight to North Carolina leaving my sweet, innocent wife alone for three days with a five and seven-year-old, while I hung out with two old-school college buddies at a lake-front log cabin.

We drank beer and good wine without a care in the world, while the wife frantically sucked back leftovers from the kids’ plates, forgot where she put her wine glass, and was woken up throughout the night by the kids during thunderstorms.

I won’t lie…there was guilt. I’d call and hear the exasperation in her voice.

She’d say: “That’s awesome you guys did so well at the 10k trail race.”

What I’d hear is: “Run it again only this time fall off a cliff you dead-beat dad!”

She’d say: “That sounds like you had a really cool day!”

What I’d hear is: “I’m putting eye drops in all your drinks for the rest of the week when you get back, punk-ass!”

I’ll definitely spend the next few weeks trying to make it up to her in little ways. Girls’ night out, a night alone without kids or me, or a night of letting her watch me try on various Speedo bathing suits.

I think back to how far we’ve come as men. Back in the day the men-folk would spend their weekends golfing, playing poker, and shooting the shit in their garages with other neighborhood dudes. The wives would shuttle the kids to the pool or their parent’s house to make sure the husband was relaxed on his two days off from work.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been to parties these days where the stay-at-home moms declare to the men “kids are yours, we’ll be in the house relaxing,” and then disappear never to be seen again.

For so many reasons I’m OK with that. I think most guys are OK with that. Because today it’s understood that whether a woman is a stay-at-home mom, or successful executive – they’re working and deserve down-time too.

Let’s look at stay-at-home parents in comparison to those working and you’ll see my point!

Stay at Home Parents                                                        Work

Mind-numbing requests from uneducated,

immature humans daily                                                                     X

Continuously fighting to have peace while you eat                X

Endlessly plotting against the person that got you

into this position                                                                                  X

Faking optimum productivity & interest when

others are watching                                                                             X

Constantly motivated to slam your head against a wall         X

I think you see what I mean.

So yeah, I’m grateful my wife threw herself on the tracks for three days so I could dude-it-up. I’m thankful more than she knows. And that’s why I’ll have no problem at all making damn sure I return the favor.

And, it’s in everyone’s best interest that I do it quickly.

Hire My Dumb-Ass!

With there being just a slight gap between my last paycheck and the new job I’m about to take, the wifey and I have realized the slight forthcoming pinch to our finances. We’ll make it work, but it’s definitely raised question marks above my head about whether I should try to land a quick one-day or two-day job that could put some walking cash in my pocket till I’m employed again?

With the wifey’s approval to the idea, I sat down and quickly took inventory of the many skills I’ve gained naturally or through this extended break as a stay-at-home dad. Once I exhausted the list and eight beers along with it, I quickly hand crafted a classified ad I plan to run in this week’s paper. I figured throwing it up on my blog couldn’t hurt either.

So…if you’re in the need and a skill seems to fit…let a brother know and give me a call!

Help Wanted

• Young, strapping lad looking for small, non-handy-man jobs to be accomplished around the house.
• Able to provide light hammering of nails, painting, yard mowing and weed-eating.
• Incapable of anything requiring plumbing, electrical, picture hanging, wood cutting, leveling, or other type of manly-man focused household activities.
• Enjoys long walks along the beach and may occasionally look out of his peripherals to view the random bikini-clad lady.
• Eclectic skills abound, ranging from professional beer taster, Jager-bomb maker, running buddy, shower soap holder, sex slave, compliment giver, beer fetcher, break-dance freak of nature, twitcher, professional thumb wrestler, make your friends laugh at my lisp-er, stay up late laughing at other people’s expenses-er, put soft socks on me after a few too many beers and tell me to walk down these wooden stairs and watch me tumble-er, willing to see what can fit in the gap between my teeth while you watch-er, drinker and laugher.

Please note that if I:

• Wear no pants on Friday
• Am caught using your interweb machine thingy
• Watch your pay-per-view
• Destroy CDs in your music collection I believe is pure shit
• Drink all of your beer
• Cram a full day’s worth of work into the 35 minutes before you come home, then fake looking exhausted and saying, “wow…what…a…day. I am beat!!”
• Look you straight in the eyes and say, “yeah, it seriously looks good doesn’t it?!” when you ask, “did you even paint this fucking room today?”
• Twitter about all the insane stuff I find throughout your house (this includes TwitPics)
• Access your Facebook account
• And, hide random empty beer bottles, condoms and pictures of “spy horse” throughout your house

then I cannont be held responsible for said repercussions and damage.

Disclaimer

The party responsible for hiring WhyIsDaddyCrying must hold all responsibilities for said activities and damage and are forbidden from demeaning, beating, laughing-at, Twittering about, or calling his wife regarding any of these issues. You will NOT call the police. WhyIsDaddyCrying holds all copyright regarding anything stolen, TwitPic’d, written about, looked at, sat on, or beer-spilled on. If I look at you, you are considered copyrighted by WhyIsDaddyCrying. WhyIsDaddyCrying is not sold in foreign countries and may be harmful to your health. If you speak to, look at, lick, shake hands with, or brush-up against WhyIsDaddyCrying, please call your physician immediately and tell him/her your situation. WhyIsDaddyCrying is not harmful to children under the age of 18, but should be kept far far away if you’ve witnessed him ingest more than 2 bottles of wine and/or Jager. WhyIsDaddyCrying is not a laxative nor a diabetic cleanser.

Call Today If You Need Simple Jobs Done!

1-800-468-3825 or email whyisdaddycrying (at) gmail (dot) com



Feeling A Bit Nostalgic

So I’m feeling a bit nostalgic.

I loved the job I had in Virginia. I loved its purpose. I loved the people.

There were over 100 employees and I knew them all and they all knew me. From janitorial to the CEO – I was comfortable with them all. And I rocked that fucking job.

But things change as they always do. And, well – my time was up. I needed to move on and I did. I moved to Chicago for the job I held for 18 months before being let go for budget cuts.

And I don’t regret it for a second. I just miss the job, but more importantly—the people.

So – my last day of work they threw me a bash. And some kick-ass folks put together this video documenting some of my stupidity over the past eight years. Some of it’s filled with inside jokes. But in short:

• Yes I met Hal Holbrook and Dixie Carter
• Yes I got to “play” the Easter Bunny on year for a holiday event.
• Yes I met, had a great conversation with, and headed up a major PR event for the great Tony Bennett.
• Yes, I landed us on the front page of the Arts section of the New York Times.
• Yes, I got to learn from the best when it came to marketing and public relations, and later be given the lead in opening a $30 million museum wing—successfully.
• Yes I have a massive head, gap-tooth, and affinity to flash my middle finger at the most inappropriate time.
• Yes, I made some kick-ass amazing friends, colleagues…

And so…a glimpse into a great, significant part of my career and life. I can’t wait to see what lies ahead, and what memories I’ll be making for those future “good luck” videos.

Job Memories from on Vimeo.

Moving Onward

It was a day I’ll never forget…standing midway up the stairs looking down at my wife as she’s scrambling to leave with the kids as she takes them to school before heading to her part-time job. The night before we’d shared glasses of white wine and agreed one hundred percent – given the decision before us, I’d stay with the job. But in that brief moment…in my heart of hearts I knew it was wrong, and I know she did too…..

Last Tuesday I was given an option at my job. Take half your pay beginning December 1, or be fired and take three months of your full pay and benefits through February.

My daughter had just finished two days in the hospital fighting H1N1. The next day my son came down with H1N1. Two days later my wife came down with H1N1. Three days later all was well and it was my first time being able to actually deal with the reality of the decision before me. Before us.

A friend of mine who I respect fully called late Sunday night and dropped all kinds of entrepreneurial motivational words my way. They were sincere….they made me think and dream about what could be. Quite honestly it’s that euphoria time in your life where your chest gets filled with air and you think – “fuck yeah I can do that…I totally can do that!!!” But then that child screams, and the wife asks for help, discussions of bills fill legal pads, and reality creeps through every weakness you never knew you had.

We went to bed knowing I would remain in my job, despite half the pay, despite the slam to my ego having to walk in day-to-day knowing that everyone and board members knew what had happened. Knowing I was now a dying blip on the budget.

Then I woke up….and I knew what to do. I agonized, I talked with the wifey, I called multiple people, I stood outside Union Station freezing my hands off holding the phone and making sure I could hear every opinion from every person I respected….and then I knew. It was time to just leave.

In twelve years since I’ve graduated college I’ve never NOT worked. I’ve in fact been consistently rewarded for my work. I’ve been given raises, praises, and opportunities that I felt I’ve grasped. We’ve moved from mill house, to larger house, to a larger city. And yet…..I haven’t stopped to really understand my fortune.

For the past three nights, my family has sat at the table, together, eating dinner. That hasn’t happened in days. Last night, we had “game night.” First time in a few weeks.

I laid in bed with my seven-year-old son….and told him what happened. It was a huge stretch…but I’ve always been honest with him.

“So, are you upset daddy lost his job? Cause it’s OK, but I want you to know how lucky daddy is that he’s going to get a paycheck for the new few months.”

“Yes, but I promise I won’t tell anyone.”

“I want you to scream it to the world, cause maybe that’ll help me land a job, my man.”

“OK”

“But in the meantime, you know what’s killer about this?”

“What”

“I’m gonna roll-up every day at 2:45 at your school with….the kickball. At least till it snows, then we’re going home.”

I’m a lucky lucky bastard. I talked to my best friend tonight and found out his wifey lost her job a month or so ago. I never knew. She’s no different than the thousands around the country. Some have no kids, others have many. Some got severance, others didn’t. Some are ashamed…..hell, we’re all ashamed. Some are about to find out a week before Christmas….some won’t have a Christmas.

Today I was put in my fucking place. Today I became a statistic. Today I was given a huge opportunity. Today it’s up to me to figure out tomorrow….

At Least I Still Have a Job, Right?!

Well….at least I still have a job, right?! That’s what I keep telling myself.

Yesterday I was told by my employer that I had a choice. I could take a significant salary decrease—my salary will be cut in half—or, I could resign effective December 1, and continue to receive my regular pay check through the end of February.

At least I still have a job right?

I haven’t felt emotion like that in years. My boss sounded like Charlie Brown’s teacher as he talked to me and my head was spinning as I thought about our mortgage, car payment, bills, food, my impending drug habit, and of course, my kids.

I moved my family from Virginia to Chicago for this job—one of the biggest decisions of my life. I lived in an empty house by myself on an air mattress for 6 months while my wife and kids stayed in Virginia trying to sell our house. I saw them once a month during that time, if I was lucky. I’ve busted my ass, taken the organization to a new level on many fronts……and now….

But, at least I still have a job, right?

People all over the world are being handed pink slips today, tomorrow….. People who’ve probably worked twice as hard and long as me are now sitting at home fretting over how to pull the pieces together. And my heart breaks for them.

Yesterday as I sat there I was shaking. I wanted to cry. I wanted to beat the ever loving shit out of something. I wanted my mommy. I wanted to go back in time. I wanted to give my boss shaken-baby syndrome. I wanted to never feel this helpless again.

I stood up, tucked my tail between my legs, packed my shit up, walked out of the building, grabbed a beer and shot of Jager and started my journey home. The longest walk of shame in my life. There’s nothing less manly than coming home to your family, wearing the “bread-winner” hat, and having to explain that our lives will significantly alter and that we have a major decision to make.

I’m beginning to see potential paths appearing in front of me. Some are riddled with obstacles and have risk written all over them. Others are straight, smooth roads and make the most sense. The difficult part will be thumping myself hard enough in the nuts to buck-up, pick a path and start walking down it. The other difficult part will be not letting this beat me mentally….not taking it personally….not letting it affect the way I view myself as a person, worker, father, husband. And I won’t….

So I’ll rally, figure this shit out and hope for the best. At least I still have a job, right?