Holy Sex Bracelets!!
Monday, October 11, 2010 at 8:08AM This past weekend the wife and I were pumped to have our good friends from Virginia visit. We laughed, checked out Chicago, took Pink Ducky out for fresh air and hit a few parties and bars.
All was good until we were sitting around the ole fire pit with a bunch of other friends shooting the breeze. That’s when someone clued us in to the whole “sex bracelet” phenomenon amongst those damn teen whippersnappers.
That’s right, teens are wearing the pop star Madonna and Cindi Lauper bracelets from the 80s as symbols of what kind of a whore they really are.
For those who are as ignorant to this as we were, let me quickly explain:
Person puts a specific colored jelly bracelet on.
Each bracelet means something specific the person wearing it will do.
If someone walks up to the bracelet wearer and “snaps” it off, that means the bracelet wearer has to do whatever act the bracelet color represents.
And the acts range cover a whole array of sexual stuff: Yellow means a hug, Green means oral sex performed on a girl, Pink means give a hickey, glittery Blue means anal sex, and Clear means the wearer will do whatever the “snapper” wants.
Anyone reading this blog knows I’m no prude. In fact, my first reaction to hearing this was, “damn that’s so freakin’ awesome cause I still have all the jelly bracelets my brother wore in the 80s when he was obsessed with wanting to be Madonna.”
Then I thought…”wait. I’m the father of a daughter…and son…and holy shit!!!”
Seriously, who the hell comes up with this stuff and has it catch on? Madonna’s business manager?
I totally would have been that ignorant parent seeing my daughter walk through the room wearing jelly bracelets and been all, “hey, cool, those are coming back huh? Here, I have a pink one, glittery blue one and green one (means they’re willing to 69).”
Later that night I slowly slid 37 different colored jelly bracelets on the wife as she slept.
I’m not gonna lie, I’m scared for what the future brings.
When I was a pimply little shit the worst thing we’d do is “palm” girls.
Basically reach out and grab their asses as they walked by. Usually you were dared to do this. And…99% of the time you were immediately “palmed” right back…by the girl’s open hand slapping your face.
Now, all you have to do is rip a tiny piece of plastic off a girl’s arm and you’re in there?
What’s next? Walking up to a girl and just flat out asking her to show you her boob and she has to do it?
Seriously, I’m a bit freaked out. The degradation of women is happening at a younger and younger age. I’m proud of our youth for the amazing advances they’ve made in health, world peace, and the environment.
But when it comes to sex, it seems to be moving in the opposite direction. Either that or now I’m a parent and am starting to pay attention.
Regardless…consider this blog post a public service announcement to you parents out there.
And also, just so you know, I’m writing this with a red, clear, white, glittery blue, and glittery clear bracelets.
Reader Comments (32)
holy shitballs....as a mother of 2 girls you have scared me to death. Thanks now MamaBennie is crying.
Out of curiosity, have you tried breaking one of these? I wonder how difficult it is, as I don't believe I've ever seen one broken before.
Further reading: http://www.snopes.com/risque/school/bracelet.asp
The world is getting scarier and scarier........ I'm starting to think that my ex's idea of locking up our daughter until she's 35 isn't such a bad one
Becoming Amish might be a viable alternative.
I'm honestly shocked and surprised that this is going on again or maybe just hitting the USA. Back about 10 years ago this was just starting and became popular back when I was in Jr. High/High school (In Canada). They were hard as hell to break off then; so boys just took scissors to them or the gave them to the boy as an "I.O.U."
I'm curious where kids come up with these ridiculous ideas!
I never took part in this whole phase; my parents were always involved in my life, asked what was going on and were open to discussion, I think if you keep your kids grounded (not in the disciplinary way) they won't care to participate. Good luck to you and your wife!
Mizzfittscloset
Here's my first scary thought.. are those stupid Silly Bandz the precursors to these Sex Bracelets? And if so, I'm going home tonight and throwing all their silly bandz away and locking my girls up.
Our future is doomed. Thank you chester cheesus, Im old and wont see much of it.
What the fuck?!?!? I have a 14 year old daughter and, thank GAWD, she doesn't own any of these and as far as I'm concerned, she never will. Not now!!! She tells me all kinds of crazy shit, but this, this is just too damn much. I'm off to have her fitted for a chastity belt.
I don't know if this is a conciliatory comment, but we had them growing up. They're not a new phenomenon. I wore my share of colours. Nobody broke them, and even if they did, nothing was done. My advice? Teach your kids values. which I already know you do. If nothing else, they were a way to be "in" and an outlet to talk about sex with our friends and keep something from our parents. Besides, we knew who was having sex, and they didn't need jelly plastic bracelets to want it. You'll do fine Daddy. Hope that gives you peace of mine.
If I remember correctly, the bracelets meant something in the '80's too. The only one I remember is black--which meant you weren't a virgin. if you really want to be freaked out, ask a teenager to tell you about "Rainbow Parties." Yikes.
My daughter graduated HS in 2007 and this crap was there when she was in 10th grad ( 2005) I remember seeing the bracelets and saying " awesome I had tons of these, let me buy you some" she freaked out then explained what they meant. I was like seriously? you don't even have to spin a bottle or dive in a closet ? wow. she was like yep, so it was so cool every time I went to her high school to see the kids with the bracelets and know what it meant.
What they need is a color code for us "older generation" . Maybe, green could mean, "take out the garbage your damn self", red could be, "you walk the damn dog." Yellow could be, "you plunge the toilet"...etc.. Sparkly blue would still mean anal sex, of course, you don't mess with a genius option like that one.
Holy crap, I am scared to death and our daughter is only one. Our son is three but he's shy and maybe we should be encouraging that! I'm still praying for a societal turnaround in the next 10 years where kids all join celebacy clubs and don't even think about sex. I'll keep dreaming.
There has never been a more frightening time to raise teens. EVER. Makes me just want to crawl under my covers and stay there.
The other day my FOUR year old came home from pre-school with black and yellow. I started wearing them to remind me of my Lucky Star youth. But now I'm wondering why my daughter had them and more importantly what they stand for.
HOLY CRAP!!!!! Great, something else to keep me awake at night. I'm freaked out enough by all these iPhone thingies, and sexting, and now I have to worry about the bracelets my 11 year old girl is wearing.
Can anyone recommend a good convent? I'm not a gun owner, and I'm thinking it might be my only option.
You people in the northern midwest do strange things.
WTF is a jelly bracelet? I was around consciously in the 80's, I don't remember anything of the sort. I'm glad I wasn't around for any of that crap in school if it was around. There'd be a-lot of sore guys with black eyes.
If that's the case, just wait til these Crazy Bands start meaning something, like a car shape means you have do it in a car, dog means...well you catch my drift.....
Our daughter is going to school this year in the UK. At a club in London a young man walked up to her and, without introduction, asked her if she wanted to go home with him. She said, "Umm - no thanks" and he said, "OK - just thought it was worth a try" and went on his way. Guess there is nothing like cutting to the chase huh? No bracelets required there.
oh lord help men in he years to come. Having a one year old has just gotten scarier.
Shit, have never heard of this, so please keep it in your own country. Have heard of rainbow parties and such like, but this is a whole new ball game.... so to speak.