The Boy Drops The F-Bomb
Wednesday, September 7, 2011 at 5:38AM So my son dropped his first F-bomb over the weekend.
Yes, it’s my fault. I do have a pretty filthy mouth and try so very hard to keep it clean around the kids. But, we live in a small house and sometimes I forget my place and well…a word may sometimes slip out.
I have to say though…he used it absolutely perfectly.
Here’s how it happened.
The boy’s on a travel soccer team. This past weekend he had a tournament about 45 min. away from our house. After his first game we spent a few hours wasting time before he had to play game number two. And, what’s more fun that wasting time at a Mexican restaurant with an oversized margarita?!
While enjoying my beverage I take out the trusty phone and check out the radar (I’m one of the biggest weather geeks on the planet). That’s when I see a whole big blob of shit headed our way.
Me: “Dude, looks like you’re game is gonna get cancelled. It’s about to storm pretty bad.”
The Boy: “No way daddy. It’s sunny and nice outside. We’ll play it.”
Me: “I’m looking at the radar and we’re gonna get nailed by Mother Nature. Trust me dude.”
The Boy: “Whatever daddy. We’re gonna play.”
Me: “Wanna make a bet?”
The Boy: (After thinking for a few seconds he gets a grin and says) “Yeah! Let’s bet!!”
Me: “If you play even a half-second of your game, I’ll give you a NuttyBuddy every day for 5 days.”
At this point the boy’s literally bouncing in his seat with joy because how could he lose?! The sun is out for shit-sake!
Me: “If the game gets cancelled though…everyday next week, as soon as I walk in the door from work, you have to take my shoes and socks off and rub my feet.”
At this point he immediately stops bouncing in his seat. The daughter starts dry-heaving and the wife says, “oh dear lord, don’t do that to him. He’s just a boy!!”
The boy starts looking out the window at the sky, then at me, then at the sky, then…he puts out his pinky and says, “it’s a bet. Pinky swear it!”
With the bet now underway I sat back to let the day take its course. Literally five minutes later it starts to get dark outside and the sky opens up.
Ten minutes later the wife checks her email on her phone and reports, “oh no Grayson. The game just got cancelled.”
And THAT’s when it happened. Slamming his elbows on the table and letting his head fall to his empty palms in shame he says, a little louder than a mumble, “fuck!”
Shocked at the word that just came out of his mouth, he immediately looks up at me as his face turns beat red. He then looks at his mother and immediately buries his face in his arms out of shame.
And thank baby jesus he did, because the wife and I ask quietly as we could started laughing like hell.
It's not like he used it in a harsh way by including it in a verbal bashing to someone. He used it absolutely perfectly because having to take your old man's shoes and socks off and rub his feet after a long day at work is definitely a "fuck" moment.
Reader Comments (26)
You know, I'm a firm believer that profanity shouldn't be outlawed, but saved for truly special occasions (I overuse too many words as it stands, but that's neither here nor there). I'm going to put myself on record as saying I'd let this transgression go - make sure the boy knows that the word isn't appropriate and that he should use it - but that's all I'd do.
But, then again, my kids don't talk yet.
BAHAHAHAHAHA O I cannot wait for this moment....I do have a potty mouth too though, and I have had a 3 year old use Shit in the proper context already. As funny as it was I couldn't break my straight face and explained to her that she cannot use that word. Now whenever I say bad words she says," Mommy DON'T SAY THAT!" Yea, totally getting schooled by a preschooler.
My nephew did that when he was less than 2 years old. He was standing in his playpen and dropped his toy over the side. He looked up and said very calmly, "Fuck!" No one in the family knew what to do. He used it appropriately, so we couldn't be upset. It took all I could to not burst out laughing.
Sorry, I'm laughing my ass off! He gets extra credit for proper usage and punctuation!
Duh! I meant pronunciation! F***!
Oh Lawd...what else can you do but laugh?
My son played the "repeat everything mom says" game at age three. In a Walmart parking lot, some kid drives out in front of us, way too quickly, up a one-way...I slammed on my breaks and shouted "Fucking Punk!"
From the backseat in his best little sing-song voice...I hear..."Fuck-in Punk, Fuck-in Punk."
Not such a proud moment, as it wasn't used in context. But still...all I could do was laugh.
What can i say to this post but i can't stop laughing, i have been quite lucky myself in this regard since all of my children are Swedish and are not quite up to date with English profanity which it saddens me to say i use quite alot, especially when i am online playing with friends. But lucky for myself as of yet none of my children have attempted to use any of the words that come out of my mouth.
I am not to sure about my oldest who is 14 but i have seen some chat logs between her and her friends and i know that she uses the Swedish equivalent to the English swear words, but it doesn't bother me, at the end of the day i would be a hypocrite to tell them off as i use them so much, but at the same time i would much prefer none of my children to use them, but i guess that i just a fairy tale dream.
Great post though! really made me giggle, your little lad used it so perfectly.
I think he should get a pass on rubbing your sweaty feet just because it was a judicious dropping of the F-bomb. And maybe a Nutty Buddy too. But don't tell him why.
I can't wait to hear how the first foot rubbing goes!
So inquiring minds have to know. Are you going to make him rub your feet?
We had this discussion today because our kid is starting to pick up words, and we both have potty mouths. I don't want my kid to drop the bomb in Sunday School, so I'm gonna have to clean it up. Ugh.
Bwaahahahaha...........that's awesome. One to put in the 'baby' book for sure. We are still waiting for our first swear words from our kids....they'll come.............oh dear.
I'm calling CPS. Clearly you're a bad parent.
Priceless. That is a memory to treasure forever.
Oh gawd, the poor kid! Haaaa!
#2 yelled it at #3 in a store, although he thought it would be ok if he spelled it. So he yelled F-U-C-K Y-O-U. It was amusing.
Haha that is classic. His definition of the word should be in the dictionary as the proper use for it.
So, this is a right of passage in parenting my friend. That would be trying not to laugh till you pee when your spawn uses choice language. Congrats, friend. For me,, it was when daughter, age 4, ( now 17) stood up on a chair, in mixed company ( meaning my parents were there) and yelled ' would everyone shit the fuck up!' everyone had to leave the room, shaking with laughter. The next day, my friend came over with his dog and the dog wouldn't stop barking. Ever so helpful, the child walked in the room and suggested, 'can someone shut that fucking dog up?' I can't imagine where she learned to talk like that...
This is ten different kinds of awesome. Hilarious!
Kid bets are one of the better reasons for living. I recommend them to anyone, as kids suck at gambling and they're more sure of themselves than anyone on else on the planet. (Oh, and they generally learn something too, which is cool)
It's amazing that they hear all the stuff we don't think they do...I think everyone has a good first F bomb story, good you could laugh about it while it was happening at home instead of weeks later because it happened in front of family :)