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« I'm Having Visions! | Main | Growing Up »

What Us Dudes Do When Left Alone

So the wife and kids have been in North Carolina since Saturday and they’re going to be there for the next three weeks visiting family, going to the beach, hitting parties, and just living the good life.

Me? I’m left behind with the damn cat, the stupid dog, and my jobby job.

Us dudes crave alone time…as do the ladies I’m sure. I’ve been dreaming about this family vacation that I’m not a part of for months now.

But when it finally comes to fruition, well, it’s not all it’s cracked-up to be.

I mean getting all the time you want in the bathroom AND being able to keep the door open? Pretty damn sweet.

Getting pictures sent from the wife of the kids having an amazing time at the beach. Sucks.

Having the ice cream man drive down your street without getting barraged by children screaming “daddy I want ice cream please please please please please!!!?!!!” is like Christmas early.

Climbing into an empty bed…sucks.

Taking a picture of yourself at midnight brushing your teeth? A whole batch of dumb instigated by boredom.

Walking by the kids’ rooms and seeing their empty beds day after day after day? Sucks.

Doing a cartwheel in the hallway naked just to see if you’re physically capable of doing it and hitting your head on the wall? Awesome!

Not having sex for three weeks? Hold on…I’m tearing-up again…I’ll be right back.

Sliding into your room naked in front of a mirror and only wearing socks while singing at the top of your lungs? Scary but awesome.

Cleaning the entire kitchen and living room and not being able to brag about how you “helped around the house?” Sucks

Yelling at the half gallon of milk in the fridge because it’s taking up too much beer storage space? Things are going downhill at this point but still awesome.

Getting amazing news that you’ve gotten a new job and can’t celebrate because you’re family’s gone for three weeks? Sucks

So as you can see it’s a win/lose situation. But in the end I’m so happy the family gets to experience those great summer vacations.

I just hope with this new job, next summer I’ll be with them.


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Reader Comments (16)

This is awesome. Taking your pic while brushing your teeth just because you can...desperate and awesome. Enjoy missing them. They'll be back soon. the door poops thing is great, everything else is poop? Irony. PS I wanted to write shit but I didn't know if that was appropriate or not.

July 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTwitchy

Yep, I'm in the same boat as you, that's what happens when you marry someone from a land far, far, away...

But yeah! New job!! Congrats dude.

July 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Animated Woman

I can't wait until week 3 when you slide into bed with the dog, clean the house using the cat, drink beer with the ice cream man & brush your blow up dolls teeth. "All work & no play makes daddy a dull boy."

July 15, 2011 | Unregistered Commenter@ieatmykidzsnack

What is this alone time of which you speak?

But seriously, I think you need an imaginary friend. Wait, you already have a twitter account, don't you...

July 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSeattledad

That's awesome/sucks. There will be no rocking in the corner crying!

Congrats on the new job!

July 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCari

Another suck to add to the list, seeing the kids and wife come home so happy and excited and telling of all of their adventures. Them being happy is good, hearing about the adventures you missed out

July 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca

Congratulations on the new job!

July 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKevin

Want me to come cuddle with you?

July 19, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDC Urban Dad

Sounds about right. Next time my wish comes true for alone time, I will NOT drink and then try to read my book (nothing like waking up with a book plastered to your face) OR perhaps, I just won't drink like it's going out of style. Hmmm...

Congrats on the new job!!!

July 19, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHarmony

Dude, I feel what you're going through. You think it will be all fun, games and party time, but it never works out that way, Sucks, huh?

July 19, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJR Reed

Oooh, I am diggin'all of these "Dude Blogs."
Seriously, I never knew you guys were out there in cyber space.
I love it!! :)
---Glad to hear you miss your family!

July 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKim sisto Robinson

Absolutly amazing post, can totally understand the missing the family part but the rest of it you gotta admit is pretty damn sweet!

July 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBen

I wanted to add some bad thing about having your wife and kids away for 3 weeks but I couldn't think of any. Visit me at and learn the myriad nightmares I do suffer when they are home.

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMad Dadz

Goodness, when are they getting back? I'm starting to worry! Heavens.

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKara

I must tell you... It's a lot more fun when you're single and living in Brooklyn.

August 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuperDuperDad

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