I Sleep Naked
Monday, August 16, 2010 at 8:08AM Grab your puke buckets kids cause it's true.
I sleep naked.
Call it being sexually hopeful mixed with trying to be comfortable and add a dash of hating to wear clothes and walla! You’ve got a 35-year-old douche with back-hair his wife won’t shave for him who occasionally gets sweaty-ass syndrome when he’s nervous sleeping like a neurotic bear.
I remember in college when my roommate used to go home for the weekend I double and triple checked the door to make sure it was locked, slid out of my boxers, climbed into bed, and dozed off into slumber land with a huge stupid grin on my face.
When the wifey moved in with me I spent a few months being hesitant about revealing my love for sleeping naked.
“What if she thinks I’m gonna try and molest her in the middle of the night and gets all Lorena Bobbit on me?” I thought.
Shortly after, I dropped trou and never looked back.
Then we had kids.
When they were babies all was good. They had no idea at 2:16 a.m. as they screamed and cried while I changed their diaper and the wife dropped a boob in their mouth that daddy’s ding-a-ling was swinging free.
As wee toddlers they’d come in the bedroom but were too small to actually make the long-distance journey to the peak of the bed which gave me ample time to do a pillow tuck and cover.
Then…they got older.
This past weekend I woke-up and followed-through with my religious morning routine which encompasses time alone kidless and wifeless as they lay slumber above my head. A couple hours later as the wife came to life she said, “you really need to start wearing underwear when you sleep.”
I was all, “over my dead body woman!”
“Well, your daughter came into our bedroom last night and you were laying buck-naked on top of the sheets, on your back, with your entire package presented for the world and your daughter to see. And she saw… She saw it all.”
And that’s when it hit home. Sure there’s the occasional turn the corner while daddy’s getting out of the shower and see a split second of his pecker before the towel blocks the horror. There’s the walking in while daddy’s just finishing pulling up the undies and seeing a milla-second shot of his ass before boxer-briefs do their job.
But nothing. NOTHING. Is like the scaring of a young girl sleepily walking into her parents’ bedroom at 2 in the morning and finding her father counting sheep with his “sheers” laying flaccid for the world to see.
Well…I guess the only other worse scenario is if she caught her daddy actually using those “sheers” on mommy.
So chalk-up another long-loved comfort gone out the window. I now sleep clad in cotton and am none-to-happy about it.
Reader Comments (27)
My husband used to sleep naked- until my 2 year old son wandered into the room when Daddy was sleeping after night shift. All I heard from the bathroom were I was folding towels was a little voice going....
"Daddy! Dragon!...dragon bite pee-pee?" and an ungodly howl.
Yeh, toy dragons and gonads do *not* mix :S
Another option - and my recommendation - let your kids try sleeping naked. I had a somewhat similar experience when our kids were a little younger than yours. But instead of my changing I suggested they try it my way. Now they are around your kids ages and it is not unusual at all for our three to sleep au naturale. You should sleep how you are comfortable. If you want to control what your kids see, I'd be more worried about the television than your body.
My parents slept naked all through my childhood. I've been following their example since I was 11 or 12. I really don't see why "kids wandering into bedroom" automatically translates into "parents must wear clothes". There's nothing shameful or abnormal about nudity, and I don't want to teach my (still hypothetical) kids that there is.
I sleep naked. My kids are 3 and 4 both girls. One night they heard a strange noise and walked in while i was sleeping back side down. They saw my penis and asked what it was.( that was an intresting conversation) Now i still sleep naked and asked if they would just knock.
Nudity is only a problem if you make it a problem. If you act like it's no big deal your children will adopt a common sense atitude towards it. They're not going to become serial killers or rapists because they saw you in the buff. I suspect it's become a problem in our society because of the church or some bible related nonsense.
Nudity is natural and normal. There's no reason to freak out if your children see you naked, whether it be same sex or opposite sex. Our children take showers with us Sometimes. nudity is not uncommon in our house. When they ask about the difference, We just told them" Because God made us different"
And yes they have walked in a time or while we were having sex because we forgot to lock the door. We just told him That is the way mommies and daddies love each other, or something real simple and basic. It's only a big deal if you make a big deal out of it.
Oh, come on. The longer people keep acting as though what makes a man a man is something gross and indecent, the more uptight you're going to make your kids.