Which Came First
Wednesday, October 28, 2009 at 6:51AM I admit it….I got lazy. I had a shit day, I wanted to knock out a Wednesday post and I got lazy. I went on Twitter and asked my rock star friends to toss out a topic they’d want me to blog about. I said – the 7th one would be the winner. Honestly, I thought I’d have to ask three times to hit 7…but it only took once. And the winner:
@rdemelo with the question “Which came first – the chicken or the egg?”
Fuck!!! Why do you have to get all “hey WhyIsDaddyCrying I know you’re having a beer, relaxing, but I’m gonna make you use your brain….?”
My Answer: The chicken came first and let me break it down for you sister.
The chicken’s a badass dude. He’s all: “I worked my feathers off today….I made some deals, I clocked my time, my phone rang like a bitch, and my email’s screaming ‘uncle…uncle!!!’ It’s Miller Time!!”
Then he grabs his stuff and heads out ready to find some kick ass action at the local pub. This bastard doesn’t even make it two blocks before he finds some neon that screams just the right message:
“Beer - Hens”
FastForward to beer in hand, cold pitcher on table, and hens giggling, texting, and clucking all over the house. My man Chicken is in roasted breast heaven. A couple of head nods and 14 winks later, my man’s gotta a hen all giggly and wrapped around his finger.
“Cluckity cluck cluk,” he says – trying to rap his best game.
“Bawk bikity bawk bawk,” says the hen as she clearly falls into this seductive trap.
Knowing all’s good and the gravy train has arrived, he lays down the final tracks leading to his lair of manhood – “Cluck…c…l…u….c..k. …clikzuck”
Well that sealed the deal. FastForward and they’re hanging out at his pad, she’s all: “I’m not sure, we just met.”
He’s all: “Naww baby, I’m not like that. You make me smile and I want to get to know you and stuff….”
She smiles, makes herself vulnerable… He smiles and knows he’s got his A-Game on….
FastFoward to 2 months later.
Chicken dude slams the phone down, “Shit!!! What a crap-ass day!!!”
“What’s wrong Ted?,” the chicken in the cubical next to him says.
“Nothing man – it’s just been a shit day! Let’s get a brew and check the hens out.”
Three high-fives and a cab-ride later, their rolling up in a local pub. The pitcher comes quick, the stories are flying, then comes that same hen coming to pay our star Chicken a visit.
“Daaaaaamn,” he says watching her walk up. “Hen’s got some junk in the trunk. Check it out!!”
The hen comes strolling up….checks our main man out from head to toe and says… “hey baby….remember me?”
“Uhhh...yeah I do. I remember those fine feathers…”
“Good, cause I got something else you can remember….”
FastForward…our famous, sexy-ass Chicken is naked, blindfolded and chained. Hotty hen says, “OK sexy boy…I’m gonna unblindfold you….get ready for a life altering experience.”
Playboy chicken is jittery he’s so freakin’ excited, “I’m ready baby..give it to me.”
The blindfold comes off and nothing but brightness hits him. He blinks and blinks until the picture slowly comes into focus…. And as it does he says pieces of thread, hay, and twigs. He feels a warm lump under his ass which at first kinda had him excited…then he noticed…it was an egg…
“You take care now….raise it well OK?!,” Hen said as she laughed, slamming the door behind.
Reader Comments (12)
You are SO right. Oh thank you, wise one!
See, this is why I love blog people, you, especially you. You're frickin hilarious and all you did was write. I will never again sigh and beat my head against the wall when I hear this question--its finally been answered and answered well.
OMG, you rocked this! Now I am sooooooo glad I asked this. I was dying to see what you were gonna come up with, and this is by far, one of the funniest things I have ever read! LMFAO! You rock, dude!
just when I thought I couldn't possibly heart you anymore, you go & write this. you are seriously funny, my friend.
That is one way to look at it in the new age era
Best answer to this age old question that I've ever heard! You rock!
A feminist solution to an age old question!
Genius!
Proof that having a sense of humor = sexy. New reader of your blog and I've already created a mental image of your hotness!
Jenni - anytime! Just call me the oracle....
Bridgette...and see that's why I love you guys, specifically you, when all you did was read my blog! thanks lady and I'm glad you no longer feel the need to throw your head against the wall...
Robin - thanks for asking this kick ass question. Hope you liked the photo I added too...
Tracy - you're the sweetest thing since that sweet tea I use to suckle on when I lived in the south.... You rock!!
Chandelier - wow...the new age era....I hope to be a millionaire in the new age era...
Kisha - thanks!!! and no....YOU ROCK!!!
ittybittycrazy - oh shit...that was kinda feminist....damn...great...not a bunch of dudes are gonna kick my ass...
lojo - good..you hold that mental image...hold it tight and don't let it go, even after you check my flickr account and see what I really look like....just promise you'll keep reading the blog even after you finish puking..hahahah Thanks lady!
Funny shit.
And I did check out your photostream. You're right. You're an ugly bastard!
And I was all, "Hey! That's the same garage where Ferris Bueller did that thing with the car!" And it was! Rock on . . .
Great, but if the chicken came first then the picture makes no sense since that is clearly a picture of a very satisfied....egg.
tysdaddy - thanks man! I can always count on you to keep my on my toes about looking like a fucking train wreck! And yeah - that was the Bueller house - bad ass too...
KBnB - exactly - you're the only one that got that I didn't answer the question!!