Gettin' Our Spontaneity-On
Monday, October 26, 2009 at 6:21AM So the wifey and I had “that talk” again. Yeah…that one. The one where I’m all:
“We need some spontaneity in our sex life…”
And she’s all, “sponta-kiss my ass idiot-boy.”
“come on…don’t be like that…I’m just saying, sometimes I feel like kids are ruling our lives these days and we never get a..”
“Hold on..JUST HOLD ON!!.......what Grayson?” long pause….then “yes, I fed your fish just before you came up stairs…now go to bed!!” she then looks at me, “I’m sorry… you were rambling about some kind of ‘aneity’ or something…”
“Hey, we’re both dealing with this….and it sucks at times, but if we don’t…”
“Jesus..hold on…yes Macy?!!!” the wifey yells as she throws yet another layer of blankets over her… “Yes…you can read one more book, then GO TO BED!!!!” she then contorts her face into a well-crafted smart-ass face and says, “I’m sorry…you were trying to make me feel bad for not being a hardcore porno slut, wearing nighties, thongs, and knee-highs to help you get your rocks off…..please continue…”
“I…I uhhh…baby you look really nice tonight and I can’t even begin to tell you how much I appreciate what you do for this family,” I say as I’m turning the channel from the MLB playoffs to Oxygen. “I can’t even remember the last time I went to bed without smelling your shirt and missing you like crazy.”
“Say the word ‘spontaneity’ again and I’ll fucking cut you….”
"Whoa!!!...let's not get crazy here, OK?...I just.."
"Did you really just call me crazy? Seriously...as I lay here on the couch, trying to relax for the first fucking time tonight....did you really...just...call..me...crazy? Cause if you did, I just want to be clear and understand correctly that you thought long and hard before selecting that word. I want to be sure, that in your tiny little brain, hidden deep within the beer, the Jennifer Anistons, the baseball, the football, the masturbating....that that's what you really thought was the smartest thing to say to me?"
"I uhhh.....yesterday we.....on Friday I was uhh.....Honey!!! I'd like to volunteer to make the kids' lunches and bathe them and put them to bed for an entire week....just for you!!!"
I sat there for what seemed like at least 30 minutes..but it was only 15 seconds before she said..."Oooohhh....I spontaneously just remembered we're out of peanut butter for the kids' lunches!!!"
It was raining that night when I had to run to the grocery store...and I have to give it to her...it was pretty spontaneous......
Jennifer Aniston, anger, crazy, husband, kids, sex, spontaneous, wife
Reader Comments (17)
Thank you for the morning laugh- And tell your wife I worship her.
Hahahahaha, awwwwww. No matter what kind of craziness is going on in this house, I still try to make some private time for us. Most of the time, being pregnant and exhausted, I really don't want to. I do it though, because I know it is important for both of our sanity. Don't get me wrong though sometimes I would just rather be under blanket relaxing too. Then again, I am kind of obligated with the braided pigtails and the tramp stamp with his name LOL. Better luck next time dude. (burn the snuggie)
Yeah, your wife is so awesome, and so are you. Nice how you snuck that little COUCH DRESS in there, heh heh.
Women and Men think so differently.. lol But not in a bad way. We both need each other to make sure we understand balance. Between peanut butter and bedroom madness.. :)
ha ha too funny. Your wife is a better woman than i, i would have just smacked you....
Hey, it's posts like these that continue to give us moms a bad name in the sex department!
It's pretty accurate, but still ;)
Your wife is awesome. And that is all. :-)
I"m still loving that she called you "Dick" when you called her "boobs". Awesome!
I feel your pain brother. I always love the "be glad you're getting it" reply. You know what you call it when married people have sex? Their anniversary, or an affair. The first one's cheaper though.
Susan - I will be more than happy to tell my wife you said she really should be accommodating and more spontaneous! thank you for your support!!
MamaBennie - you should definitely win the kick-ass wifey award. Tramp stamp, braided hair, and most importantly, your hatred for the Snuggie...may it burn for our enjoyment for eternity.
JC - my cohort in crime against everything Snuggie....I put the couch blanket in there specifically for you in the hopes that you'd see it!!! Keep being a rock star lady!
Jennifer - you couldn't have made the point any better that my wife has serious issues and needs help so she can think like the rest of us. Thank you for seeing my side of things!!
Megan....yeah, she hit me later that night for something else stupid I said.
Petra - hey - I'm just speakin' the truth...lettin' the gospel out...
Lori - that kinda hurts my feelings....she's awesome cause she stood her ground and didn't let me give her shit? Oh...yeah, well that is kinda awesome. Never mind.
Lotta - she's quick like that..hahahah
Rick - high fives brother. I'm sure there's many more of us out there on this pain train! haha
I have to say that I love your wife- maybe bc a similar scene happens in our house on too many occasions, but now, thanks to her, I have better lines to use! ;)
i am amazed your wife isn't crocheting a snuggie just like the one you posted (maybe in orange and brown...) maybe next time you run to the store you could get some duct tape to tape up your lips when you feel like you need to bring it up again!!!
I liked the post but that idiot video had me rolling in the floor pissing myself.
You better be careful with spontaneity. We were spontaneous once and nine months later we had our third child and now there sure as hell isn't time for anymore....
HAHAHA.
wow.
this blog pwns me.
Alissa - the wifey said - "high fives - don't take shit from him..dish it back" - hey woman, get off my blog......not you, the wifey...
iane - the wifey wears 3 snuggies now. everytime I act up, she buys another one...
StevieB - dude - that idiot video is classic....I'm a huge huge fan of stupid caught on tape
Page - I nipped that little possible problem in the bud shortly after #2 was born. so there's nothing holding back the ole spontaneity train!!! well...except ya know...the kids and all..
Yoga ninja mama - damn I love that name. That is a fucking rock star name. You definitely need to get that tattooed and copywritten...
LOVE this one!