Girly Girl is Taking Over My Life
Thursday, October 22, 2009 at 7:58PM My daughter's birthday is Saturday and it's she reminds me of me as a kid….couldn’t sleep, dreams of new Transformers running through my head. Maybe a new Atari game or…OR!!! a new bike?!!! Then the day came and I got a soccer ball and three pairs of homemade Jams shorts where the front was so poofy it looked like I had a BIF (butt in front).
Every day the daughter’s all "is my birthday tomorrow?"
"Not yet baby...2 more days, then you'll be...."
And her face lights up and she holds up her fingers as she says, "fiiiivve!!!!"
Then I usually give her a quick tickle, smack on the butt, and rub her head.
The wifey is planning a total girly girl party for her. The playroom is decked out for a tea party, complete with dresses, hats, a table for the little ladies to pop-a-squat in pure princess decadence, and a blackboard that says "Macy's tea party."
So yesterday I had the day from hell and I'm walking to the train in a virtual sea of business men and women on their way to Union Station. I call the wifey to tell her what train I'm on and she tells me about her decorations for the party:
"I'm just gonna let them pieeck what dress they wanna waaar and let them juss have fun. But I need yuuu to be the phoootograaapher," she says. (Keep in mind the wifey has a very southern accent)
"Honey, they'll run ramped. You need activities."
"Jesus...don't complicate this…aaaahhhriiight?!"
I remain calm, "Shnookums, they're fucking 5...they need activities."
"Hoooney Buuunches…if you wanna play all Mr. Fucking Rogers than have at it!"
"I got your Mr….” and then I had an idea! A real idea! “I know, get beads and string…let them make necklaces. Then let them pick a dress to try on. Maybe get some little cheapy clips and a mirror or two and let them do their hair all up. Then we can put some good music on and let them do like a fashion show and we'll give them all little prizes and stuff"
Silence.....then..."That's a pretty good idea."
Now those words are never...I mean NEVER uttered to me by my loving wife. My chest puffs all out, I'm proud, and my first instinct is to look around like "did you hear that?! Huh?! I'm the shit!!! Did you hear it?!!"
But as I look around I quickly realize, all the business folk, suit-clad money-makin', business folk had looks of complete and total "what the fuck is wrong with this dude?" looks on their faces.
I hunkered back down into my little world and said, “Thanks…I thunk it all up myself.”
It’s definitely getting girly at our house. The wifey rocked out one killer tea party room. Dresses are hanging everywhere. There’s fucking pink all over the damn house….but I love it. I’m soaking it in. Cause pretty soon…there’s gonna be blood all over the front lawn, from the douches that try to roll up to my front door asking the daughter out on a date. Oh..and it won’t be me causing the blood. It’ll be the big brother, and all his kick-ass, over-protective friends. I’ll be behind them, holding the camera…all giddy for new material to throw on my blog…..
Reader Comments (12)
Great post! Wish my hubby could embrace the estrogen overload as well as you do!
I remember the BIF shorts. Comfort at its finest.
You're cute. With three boys in my house there's lots of blood already but no pink. Do me a favor and call up my husband and tell him he would like an extra vagina in the house and it's worth a go for number four. I'm not sure that a fashion show would be his thing but I'm sure you could think of something to lure him with. You sound like a creative guy. Should I forward you his direct line? Or maybe you can drop in like the tooth fairy and leave a message under his pillow?
I'll be back to catch a glimpse of those fashion show pics. I hope you'll be sporting a feather boa at the least. Dads CAN participate. Isn't it great?
Love the tea party idea! I think you should be the one to try on the dress & then you should serve the little princesses tea! Can you imagine how big of a hero you'd be?! A friend of my daughter's had a tea party, much like the one you're planning, and her mom hired a teenage girl from the neighborhood to braid the girls' hair and paint their nails. Took some of the pressure off the mom to be the constant entertainer. Just an idea.... :-)
You TOOOOOOTALLY have to let the girls paint your nails. You will be the friggin' shit if you do! Just totally be their servant for the day...you'll get dad of the year if you haven't already.
Ok Whyisdaddycrying readers - they BOTH have the most adorable Southern accents. Don't let him fool you that it's just his wife.
It's only the start of girlyville - homecoming dances, proms, sleepovers...
Kisha - I look at it as a long-term commitment to prepare me for the teenage years...
Chuck....those BIF shorts pissed me off. I'll never forgive my mother for making so many of my clothes as a kid. I'm surprised I survived childhood.
Sarah...are you really asking me to be the Sex Fairy? I mean..I'll do it. I'm not scared to put on little angel wings, my SpongeBob SquarePants thong and go poke holes in all the condoms in your bedroom. I'll freakin' do and smile the whole time.
Nuckingfutsmama - you and your ideas to get me dressed up like a lady. I can make this simple and just post college pics of mine where I'm dressed in a whole shitload of ways. Actually - my wife has talked my son into agreeing to wear a suit and welcome the ladies as they arrive, take them to their dresses, help them pick it out, and serve them food and drinks. I like teaching the boy respect...but I think this is taking it a bit too far. I may burn the house down.
Kim...ummm...I ah...screw it, I'll just come out with it. I paint my toenails every night at 9:41 p.m. a bright pink color with little yellow happy faces on them and then I take pictures and add them to my online collection. But please don't tell anyone I do that...cool?
Lotta - Damn woman...why you always rattin' me out? Shooooot. Yuins juss cain't keep yur mouth shuuut can youuuu? Shit fire!
Glad to see you gettin' in touch with your feminine side. Oh, and I'm with nuckingfutsmama, you really do need to put on a dress and serve the tea and then take pics. Then you could totally be known as that "Cross Dressing Dad" and THAT would be awesome.
You are an amazing dad! The fact that you're not running away screaming earns you a gold star; everything else is icing on the birthday cake. I have to agree with the others though, I'd love to see you in a feather boa with a lovely shade of pink on your nails. You'd be your daughter's hero (more than you are now, of course) and her friends will always remember you as the "cool dad"
Awwww! I love it. Kudos on the great ideas. I wish my husband would think of......ANYTHING of the party planning sort. For our daughter's 1st birthday, I sent him to the party store to get balloons. Simple right. WRONG! He came home with regular pink and white balloons, and a 1st birthday princess mylar balloon. He even picked up the 1st birthday princess banner that I asked him to pick up. But then he had to ruin the greatness by buying a Winnie the Pooh balloon?! He also bought a completely different set of candles, and said he wanted those ones because they were better. I could have killed him at that moment if I didn't love him so much. I asked him to get simple things, and he decides to think a little too far outsite the box. BTW those candles spelled "HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY" and there were wicks on the top of each letter....2 on top of the H and Y. Yes, lets put a whole lot of flames near our 1 year old's face while she is putting forth her best effort to blow them out.
Venti---awwww...damn...I totally wore the dress but forgot to take pics.....shoot...well, guess I'll have to post pictures from my college days instead...
alright!!! fine Kat and Venti - I'll do it...but it won't look good...you ladies will puke....women across the globe will stop wearing them...and ...well the rest just won't be pretty...more to come soon...
MamaBennie...I love you..I love your man...I love your fam...I can't comment negatively against your dude, except to say....if anyone..ever...comes into my house with anything that has Winnie the Pooh on it....I'll cut them. I"m just being honest...but it's true...
your article is very interesting ,I liked this kind of articlecheap roberto cavalli sunglasses