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Gimmie Back My Sweater Woman!!!

Hi, my name is WhyIsDaddyCrying and I’m addicted to wearing the same green-striped sweater every day. It’s been six days since I wore my sweater.

How am I able to make such a comment? Because my former really good family friend @momomatics (now a person I know and might give an occasional glance to) stole my damn sweater last weekend. Here’s a quick back story.

For the past three months since I became unemployed I’ve slowly become a piece of shit. Reasons to shower first thing in the morning become few and far between. The desire to slide a razor along your face to keep that “clean-cut look” dies completely. And, the wearing the same outfit every day seems to become the only comforting regularity you can latch to.

My green sweater became my security blanky.

One day the wifey said, “honey, you seriously need to wash that thing.” So I did, and found myself naked and camped out in front of the washer and dryer rocking back and forth for two hours till all was said and done.

A few weeks later our friends started to notice. “Hey man, ummmm….how many of those sweaters do you have?” And my head snapped immediately towards them in disgust. How could I ever betray my sweater with a second, or third sweater. I’m faithful damn it!

I mean…it was there with me at the top of the Sears Tower.

During family moments like decorating the Christmas Tree!

Volunteering at my kid’s class and playing games!

Then I woke up last weekend after hosting a family get-together with @momomatics family and it was gone. GONE!!!!

After I finally got over the shakes and sweats, it became all too clear…an intervention had begun. My three-month stint of time with my sweater had come to a forceful end.

And to make matters even worse I discovered it wasn’t an intervention…worse—it’s aversion therapy! @momomatics is chronicling this “aversion therapy” on her blog. She’s not only taken my sweater, but she’s making it experience all of my worst nightmares. Chucky-Cheese….the fucking BUTCHER!!!!

While I continue to wallow, drink too much, and cry….go check out the crux of my pain at @momomatics blog.

Part 1 of the Sweater Chronicles: The Abduction – Also Called – The Night We Made WhyIsDaddyCrying Cry

Part 2 of the Sweater Chronicles: Aversion Therapy

She claims part 3 is coming any day…hopefully my sweater is coming home soon after. Although after that sweaty meat-holding bastard wore it….

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Reader Comments (10)

This might be the best thing ever. period.

p.s. I laughed my ass off at the butcher wearing it. I hope that image stays with you FOREVER.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCrazysahm

I hope he recreates the butcher image every now and again. Sweaty and with black stretchy headband. Could be a classic.

You know we did it because we love you, it's for your own good!

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLotta

LOL! I have a friend who is also very attached to her sweater. Her sweater even has its own Facebook page. Seriously. Maybe your sweater can become Facebook friends with her sweater (her sweater is Lisa's Sweater). I hope you get your sweater back soon :-)

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdrlori71

Amazing. So So So amazing.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLindsayDianne

Hold on a minute, bucko! That sweater went way beyond being JUST a 24/7 sweater to you. IT WAS A SNUGGIE. YOU WERE WEARING A SNUGGIE! LOVED that snuggie.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNikkiMoi

Is that what "taking an employment" break does to men...forces them into one single item of clothing? I am so glad she stole that sweater from you and is making sure you NEVAH wear that thing again!
She can ship it to Canada and I can send it out on a bear poop discovery expedition if you Banff!

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterManiacal Mom

This could be an important step in learning about issues your child faces. It will certainly make you think twice before you decide to take a binky or security blanket away! LOL

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnne Green

I completely understand. I vomited on my Brooklyn Industries hoody and I haven't washed it and therefore it's been out of comission for some time. It's sad really. It was the only hooded sweatshirt I wore. I feel a tremendous void.

You have to get that green sweater back from momomatics!


Shave your Chevy Chase (face), put your best foot forward and get your ass out to networking events to find a job!

March 15, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterittybittycrazy

I have to say, I completely understand about such things. I used to own a t-shirt that once belonged to my sister. I loooooved that t-shirt - it was big, and soft, and oh-so-comfy. It was also 20 years old and as ratty as a hobo's ass. So hubs staged an intervention. Just be glad momomatics didn't do what my hubs did - take a pair of scissors to it.

BTW - two questions. First, who is that dude with the black velour shirt? HE needs a sartorial intervention more than you. And second, what in hell's bells where y'all doing with those purple latex gloves?

March 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrish

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