Back-Off Old Lady!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010 at 8:19AM This past weekend I took the boy to the grocery store for some much needed staples and people watching. Along the journey I gathered my regular stock of the alcoholic suds and tossed them carefully in the buggy along with my other goods, not even realizing they would soon instigate rage within one innocent by-stander.
A few minutes later I’m putting groceries on the conveyor belt while a few moms are smiling at the boy’s eagerness to help. I then lift from under the buggy a case of beer and put it along with the rest of my grub. Being the kind, gentle being that I am, I then grab the line-break plastic thingy and placed it behind the case of beer to let the nice little old lady behind me know she could now begin putting her old-lady groceries on the belt.
As I smiled at her and give her a friendly nod, the devil himself ripped through her skin and said loudly, “how could you do THAT!?! Buying alcohol in front of such a young impressionable boy? SHAME on you!”
My initial reaction was to clench my ass, as not to shat myself, pull my son close to me for protection and roam the store with my eyes to make sure I wasn’t on some lame-ass hidden camera show. What seemed like hours passed between when she spat her verbal stupidness to when the rage from within me boiled to the point of explosion.
Pushing the boy behind me I say, “what do you THINK I’m going to do with it when I get home you psycho bitch?!”
Now, I’ll be the first to admit that was not a well thought-out response. In fact, it was just wrong. But I was pissed. Who feels they are ever righteous enough to say something like that to someone? In my mind I’m thinking:
- Why didn’t she just shake her head in disapproval then go call her friend Marge to bitch about it?
- Didn’t she notice it was just beer? And cheap canned beer at that! It’s not like I was on a playground buying crack using my son’s piggy-bank for the loot.
- Why did she have to say it so loud? Oh…cause she needed to hear herself cause she’s probably hard of hearing…never mind. That one was legit.
I could have yelled at her for buying so much prune juice and raisins, pointing-out the fact that the sewer issues in this city are because of people like her!
Regardless, what gives her or anyone else the right? What I do in my own home is not for her or anyone to assume, conjecture, and act upon in a public arena. If she wants to go home and journal about it and use it to make herself feel better about her own dysfunctional family, fine!
We’d all be better people if we could keep our comments to ourselves and come down from that ivory tower long enough to….
Ahhh…who am I kidding, if that were the case, people watching at grocery stores, malls and airports wouldn’t be such an important part of my life and I’d be unhappier for it. Judging is human nature. It’s what makes us wake up in the morning and think, my life isn’t as shit as that guy’s life! So judge away kids…have fun with it, but just keep it to yourself. And, just know that no matter your age, race, or sex, if you take the risk of voicing what you’re judging me for, you’re gonna get it right the hell back!
anger, beer, death, dysfunctional, grandmother, judging, son, yelling
Reader Comments (31)
AMEN! This is was very well written.
Wow, well I probably wouldn't have sworn at her, but in my head I would be thinking that exact same thing.. the thing is I am way to buttoned-up Brit to actually say it.. THAT is why I have a blog! Ha!
Would have loved to be a fly on the wall with that one.. and as an aside, I hope she never goes to Glasgow, you could get knifed for that kind of comment there!!
Good thing you weren't buying condoms! FWIW, I'd send my kids to the store to buy my wine if I could. They know how to open a bottle, sniff, swirl AND sip. I firmly subscribe to the belief that that which we make mysterious we encourage. I will confess there are times, however, when we do have to speak up. Like the time a woman left her three children all under the age of 4 in her car, locked, while she ran into get a prescription. I watched that car for 15 minutes before I finally called the cops. I didn't want to, because I was pretty sure she was ignorant and overwhelmed with the idea of taking three kids into the store with her. But I couldn't watch them any longer, and I couldn't have lived with myself if something had happened to those kids.
Oh haha, you said it! LOL, thanks for the laugh. "You're gonna get it right the hell back!" GREAT!!
So true. We all judge people. But at least we have the decency to do it behind their backs! Geesh! lol.
Very nicely written.
As a parent,you always feel those eyes on you,don't you? Especially the older generation that think children should be quiet...always.They want to discuss with you(loudly fuss at you) what's wrong with your kids and sometimes offer horrible advice to help fix the problem.Some old people really earn the title,"Old Fart". She sounds like one of them. :)
Hey, at least she supplied you with some content :) Priceless Links!
What a coincidence: Just read a blog from lonley grandmotherly woman who roams grocery stores, assessing items in the carts of parents with young children giving helpful advice to parents. j/k LOL
I was wearing my baby in a front pouch sling walking around my brand spanking new Whole Foods. Everything was so bright and shiny and I was amazed at the wonderment of WF. I came upon the Olive Bar and just had to take a picture of it when the following exchange happened.
Me: *Click on my camera phone*
Nutso Lady (rushing over mind you): You shouldn't be using the phone so close to your baby!!!!
Me: I was taking a picture.
Nusto: It causes brain damage. I know. I study these things.
Me: Oh that's ok, I drank when I was pregnant with her so she's fucked anyway.
I snapped another picture and walked away.
and you thought you moved out of the Bible Belt ... LOL ;)
Our poor Why is Daddy Crying! How could someone attack you like that? Here have a beer.
There's only a few cardinal sins worse than being a self righteous judgemental dumb butt in my book!
Bravo, man. Don't suffer in silence. You have enough shit going on in your life without having Mrs. Nosy add to it.
Ahhhhh....the sweet sweet sound of unsolicited advice...breathe it in deeply and let your soul marinate in it....then take that juice that your souls been marinating in and tell that nosey assed bitch to mind her own business, go back to the fucking seniors home she came from and continue to beat her children with a fucking wooden spoon!
Some people have little tact, intelligence and diplomacy. You need to teach your son some fab comeback like, "Back off lady, it's only LIGHT beer! And, I only get light beer in my lunch sack on FRIDAYS!"
First, I love any post that contains the word, "shat". Well played.
Second, what the...??!! It's true we all judge people all the time but it is only the true asshole that feels compelled to voice their misguided assumptions to complete strangers in grocery stores.
Third, I'm confused.....is it wrong to use our kids' piggy banks to purchase crack on playgrounds? Oops. :)
See... I've had the same thing happen. Only it was wine. And it was an old Southern guy. And instead of rage, I got sing-songy baby voice saying "Mommy! Do you want me to grow up to drink?!" And a look of condescension.
To which I replied "I'd much rather she grow up to an adult who drinks responsibly than to be so rude as to comment on total strangers' parenting in public." He just stared.
Sounds like your kids need to attend Lauren's Little Lambs Montesorri Bartending Academy. All my friends are signing their kids up!
An even better response "Lady, how dare you expose your old and flabby breast in front of my impressionable young son?!!! Have you been drinking?!!!!!
Then hit her over the head with the divider bar.
Some times it is just better to keep your mouth shut- all the way around. Wonder if she's still up in arms about this?
Classic! And all the comments are fucking hilarious!! god, I love being a parent in the midst of such a tribe. It's SO great to laugh. The beer in the lunch sack only on Fridays was PERFECT. Oh, hell, they all were!! Lovely!!
The reality is that it's better for children to see adults (including parents) who drink alcohol in a responsible manner. Buying a case of beer does not mean you're drinking a case today or tomorrow - heck, I have a six pack that I bought for the SuperBowl two weeks ago. Hiding alcohol from children does not mean they won't drink it. They need role models.
Lauren's and Noel's stories are priceless, as is yours. Perfect! There was once a time when I was about 6 months pregnant, picking up a 30 pack of beer for my husband for a weekend camping trip with friends. My son, at the time he was 3, was with me and a snotty woman with perfect everything chastised me for buying (and presumably drinking) beer while pregnant in front of my son. Before I could say not only do I buy it in front of him but I teach him to bring me another one from the fridge in my snottiest possible voice, my son chimed in sweetly that it was 'Daddy Juice' and 'Mommy doesn't like beer.' The snotty woman started to smile until he said, "She likes vodka more," something he'd heard my husband say at some point or another. I smiled sweetly at the shocked look on the woman's face and turned back to my own business. It was awesome.
What a beyotch. Maybe you should have cracked one open and offered it to her. She obviously needed a drink to mellow herself the eff out.