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Ode to the Dangly Shoelace

Despite the fact my son can do multiplications…he can’t tie his shoe.


Despite the fact he knows monsters aren’t real,

Isn’t scared of the dark,

And can rip a worm in half on a fishing trip …he can’t tie his shoe.


We went cross-country skiing this past weekend,

From the seat of my ass,

Deeply implanted in the snow,

He stood there coaching me to “use your polls to go!!,”

But he can’t tie his shoe.


He’ll steal sushi from your plate if you’re dozing for a second or two,

But he can’t tie his shoe.


He can wipe his own ass….but he can’t tie his shoe.


He’ll tell a complete stranger Happy Birthday,

Climb a tree faster than me,

Be on my front wheel on a 15-mile bike ride,

Throw himself in a pool whether he’ll swim or come in with the tide,

But he still….can’t tie his shoe.


He calls his sister his “enemy,”

Until I see him lying next to her laughing.

He’ll put tacks on the floor,

Won’t bother to hold a door,

And tell me “you’re mean!” when I punish him.


Yesterday he held his foot out with his regular pitiful look,

His knot-tying plea,

I said, “you’re seven, why don’t you tie your own shoe!”

He said,

“Cause everyone always does it for me.”


My son can tie his own shoe.

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Reader Comments (8)

ah, this makes me feel better and wonder if we (my 7 yr old n i) should maybe think about practicing this again. :) Its a good day when I see you have new stuff for us to read! Thank-you!

February 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

Your so lucky he can wipe his own ass. I have two that cannot (or won't yet in the case of my 3 year old) and I am sick of wiping moving/uncooperative asses. I would gladly tie a shoe if it meant I didn't have to clean anymore skid marks.

February 15, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersabreena

OMG! that is so funny! And yes, you are lucky he can wipe his own ass...imagine that call from the teacher...hello Daddy...your son has done a number 2 and he needs you STAT!

February 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterManiacal Mom

LOL!!! Yeah, it was amazing when I told my daughter I wasn't going to tie her shoe and she either had to fall on her face or learn to tie it. She tied it and we went on with our business. They are evil geniuses, I tell ya.

February 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSoMo

I always love the punchlines of some of your posts.

My 2 yr old is always trying to wipe his own ass, after reading this I'm thinking maybe I should let him get some practice in.

February 15, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersquirtsdad

The 'monsters' and 'throw himself in a pool' links kick ass.

February 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennyDefx

LOL this is funny! Hey, don't underestimate the skill of wiping one's own ass. That's a pretty handy one. My 8yo knows how to tie his own shoes, but just refuses. They end up in some sort of knotty mess then he tucks the stray pieces in the sides until I insist he stop and tie them correctly. Evidently I suck the fun out of everything.

February 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Holy crap your site is awesome. I've been spending so much time reading it this morning that I now have no idea where my one-year-old son is. Hopefully he's still in the house or at least in the neighborhood. :o)

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCyndi @ 6 Ring Circus

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