Back-Off Old Lady!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010 at 8:19AM This past weekend I took the boy to the grocery store for some much needed staples and people watching. Along the journey I gathered my regular stock of the alcoholic suds and tossed them carefully in the buggy along with my other goods, not even realizing they would soon instigate rage within one innocent by-stander.
A few minutes later I’m putting groceries on the conveyor belt while a few moms are smiling at the boy’s eagerness to help. I then lift from under the buggy a case of beer and put it along with the rest of my grub. Being the kind, gentle being that I am, I then grab the line-break plastic thingy and placed it behind the case of beer to let the nice little old lady behind me know she could now begin putting her old-lady groceries on the belt.
As I smiled at her and give her a friendly nod, the devil himself ripped through her skin and said loudly, “how could you do THAT!?! Buying alcohol in front of such a young impressionable boy? SHAME on you!”
My initial reaction was to clench my ass, as not to shat myself, pull my son close to me for protection and roam the store with my eyes to make sure I wasn’t on some lame-ass hidden camera show. What seemed like hours passed between when she spat her verbal stupidness to when the rage from within me boiled to the point of explosion.
Pushing the boy behind me I say, “what do you THINK I’m going to do with it when I get home you psycho bitch?!”
Now, I’ll be the first to admit that was not a well thought-out response. In fact, it was just wrong. But I was pissed. Who feels they are ever righteous enough to say something like that to someone? In my mind I’m thinking:
- Why didn’t she just shake her head in disapproval then go call her friend Marge to bitch about it?
- Didn’t she notice it was just beer? And cheap canned beer at that! It’s not like I was on a playground buying crack using my son’s piggy-bank for the loot.
- Why did she have to say it so loud? Oh…cause she needed to hear herself cause she’s probably hard of hearing…never mind. That one was legit.
I could have yelled at her for buying so much prune juice and raisins, pointing-out the fact that the sewer issues in this city are because of people like her!
Regardless, what gives her or anyone else the right? What I do in my own home is not for her or anyone to assume, conjecture, and act upon in a public arena. If she wants to go home and journal about it and use it to make herself feel better about her own dysfunctional family, fine!
We’d all be better people if we could keep our comments to ourselves and come down from that ivory tower long enough to….
Ahhh…who am I kidding, if that were the case, people watching at grocery stores, malls and airports wouldn’t be such an important part of my life and I’d be unhappier for it. Judging is human nature. It’s what makes us wake up in the morning and think, my life isn’t as shit as that guy’s life! So judge away kids…have fun with it, but just keep it to yourself. And, just know that no matter your age, race, or sex, if you take the risk of voicing what you’re judging me for, you’re gonna get it right the hell back!
anger, beer, death, dysfunctional, grandmother, judging, son, yelling
Reader Comments (31)
Maybe if you bought better beer she wouldn't have had such a problem.
LOL!!! Then hee head would have exploded at parking in front of the strip clubs on Bourbon. Hell, the whole damn street is nothing but strip clubs. We do it most often right after church on Sundays so my husband can take care of some of his business clients, no not like that. I don't even notice it, because I have been walking Bourbon st since I was a kid, and no not like that. Oh to hell with it, judge away people. Those from NOLA feel me. No, not like that. Forget it.
Wow. It's like you got the hardcore version of the "Put a hat on that baby" crap the grandmamas always give us moms.
I would have loved to have seen you shotgun a beer right in front of her as a response.
I'm really mouthy when it comes to stuff like this. I almost choked on an apple the last time an old lady voiced her opinion about something I was doing in my parenting practice.
Not because I was surprised, but because I was so excited to get to yell back.
This is my first time stopping by your blog.
I'm hooked!
I am looking forward to reading your older entries--with a cold beer that I bought at the store while out with my 10 month old son.
Yes! Ha ha ha. I love it!
The grocery store check out counter does bring out the judgey in people. I was buying a six pack for my husband when I was pregnant----which is pretty damn nice of me---and the cashier made a point of making sure it wasn't for me. I felt like popping one open and drinking it right there.
I wonder what she'd have said if you were buying a giant sized jar of vaseline...?
Has she ever been a stay at home parent? It's a wonder ALL of us aren't raging alcoholics with the shit we put up with every day. Alas I lose my brains cells daily to the likes of Nick Jr, which to some is just as evil because *gasp* I let my kid watch tv. Hey, it's what allows me to take a pee by myself.
I'm very glad to know you put the plastic thingy (I said thingy!) behind your groceries because every time I see someone not do it, it makes me want to scream IS THIS YOUR FIRST TIME GROCERY SHOPPING?
What is wrong with you! WHY would you make a post about buying beer when my young impressionable children could walk into the room and see the word "beer" written on the screen? Theycan't read, but those 4 letters in a row might cause irreperable harm to their young, fargile pshyche's! How dare you! SHAME on you! :)
If you were thinking fast, and really wanted to freak out the old lady, you could have said, "well, I used to leave him in the car whenever I bought beer but the police warned me about doing that, so now I just bring him in with me" :)