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No, You Call the Babysitter

So the wifey’s college roommate visited this past weekend. And we decided to get a babysitter so we could enjoy some kid-free time. A mere four days from the impending visit I realized, holy shit, we don’t have a sitter and I’m going to end up being left in the lurch as these two ladies hit the town leaving me behind.

Kicking into baby-sitter ninja action I decided to take matters into my own hands and have a conversation with the wifey:

Me: “Hey…so we should definitely get a sitter for Saturday night.”

Wifey: “Go for it slugger.”

Me: “But you got the Mecca of babysitter lists months ago. Can’t you just call one or two and make it happen?”

Wifey: “I lost it.”

Me: “You what? Are you serious woman? You lost that shit? That’s like someone giving me the unlock code for constant, unlimited free porn and then losing it…it just doesn’t happen!!!”

Wifey: “Call me ‘woman’ one more time. Seriously…say it…call me ‘woman’!”

Me: “Look, your college roommate’s gonna be here in …shit, what day is it?”

Wifey: “You really need a job! Seriously…you need to get out of the house, look at the sun, enjoy the day…you’re losing your mind in the basement!”

Me: “All right…let’s focus. We need a sitter. Who are we gonna call?”

Wifey: “ ‘We?’ No, you…you are gonna make that happen while I’m at work.”

Me: “Awe come on…that’s fucked. Guys don’t call to ask for babysitters. Seriously…there are rules against that shit.”

Wifey: “Rules…really? And who the hell came up with these rules? You’re just as capable as me to call and ask for a sitter.”

Me: “I know but seriously…what if her dad answers? I’ll be all, ‘hey man…is Tiffany there?’ And he’ll be all, ‘Who the hell is this? You sound like you’re 40 years old. Who the hell is this?’”

Wifey: “How in the hell can he tell if you’re 40 by the sound of your voice?”

Me: “Are you kidding…cause I’m all experienced in life and shit. Listen to me. I totally sound like I’m 40 and involved in 40-year-old life stuff…seriously listen…the stocks rose eight percent today as the Dow didn’t quite respond as well as investors had hoped and…”

Wifey: “Whoa!!! Wait…you’re calling our potential babysitter with stock options? Seriously you dork…seriously!!?”

Me: “I’m just saying that I know stuff! And I know that if I call the sitter her dad, her boyfriend, or her brother will answer the phone and they’ll be pissed and I’ll probably get killed when all I wanted to do was freakin’ drink beers with you and the college roommate away from the kids.”

Wifey: “Wow. You seriously need help. Look, bottom line is, I’m going out with Stacy whether you get a babysitter or you ARE the babysitter. So, ball’s in your court Mr. Man. Make it happen or don’t.”

Me: “You’re gonna regret it when I get killed and you have to raise these kids by yourself.”

Wifey: “It’ll be rough but I’m pretty sure we’ll pull through.”

Me: “Shit! Fine…I’ll call. Hand me the phone WOMAN.”

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Reader Comments (13)

Funny ~ You sound just like my husband. So when he is in charge of getting a sitter (which is almost never) and sends her an email or a text.

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJamie (gimmethejuice)

yah i's not fair that other mothers come side w/ the wifey on your blog. but she had ur balls on this one...didja enjoy it? ;)

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterallconsoffun

Wow ... is everyone else starting to side with Wifey on this shit? AWESOME!

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercjaxon

no way! i won't call a sitter either... too weird, but i WILL put the toilet seat down everytime, so it all evens out in the end

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered Commenternate

I never understood why my hubby wouldn't make these calls either. Have to ask him about this excuse. Thankfully, my youngest is 15, so we are past the age of needing a sitter. Yeah!

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBetter Late Than Never

I like your wife! She has cajones. And dude...if dad or brother answers, just say who you are and that you were wondering if Amelia could babysit for your kids. I think the dad making the phone call is much less creepy than having him pick her up and take her home. That's the line to draw, in my humble opinion.

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLojo

Your wife does not sound like a very supportive person...

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMike

Wow.. your wife's roomate is HOT!

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStacy

Call me woman one more time. That was epic. I love conversation blogs. Funny shit as always.

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermepsipax

I love that you used "ninja" in your post. My husband is all about that word right now and it is my new nickname when he texts. Congrats to you for getting out of the house sans kids. It is a good man who will find the babysitter. Mine never has to.

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersabreena

My wife takes care of all babysitting arrangements even though our babysitter is my cousins' daughter. It still feels weird for me to call or pick her up.

February 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMocha Dad

So...ironically, my fiance has that exact shirt your wifey has on. Don't worry, I bought it for him.

February 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkel

Reading that brought on such a fit of giggling, my husband is now giving me weird looks. Perfect ending - just a 'result' photo!

February 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLittleAnimation

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