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« It's A Brand New Year! | Main | I Play Fake Santa & Survive »

Top 10 Things That Will Be Heard During Our 14-Hour Car Ride South

Tomorrow at 5 a.m. our lovely, adoring, sweet little family will sleepily pile into the over-stuffed car and head south from Chicago to North Carolina for Christmas.

Presents will be packed amongst suite cases, games, and high hopes that Santa will make this THE most bestest Christmas EVER!

Me? I’ll be in the driver seat clutching a large cup of joe looking at the open road thinking “bring it bitch! Let’s do this.” And, I’ll have full intent of making the trip in no less than 14 hours.

Come hell or high water, this car will drive into the in-laws’ driveway by 7 p.m.

Want to make a bet? No?

Well, here’s something you can bet on!

The Top 10 Things That Will Be Heard During Our 14-Hour Car Ride South

1) Grayson: “Macy, stop looking at me. Stop. STOP!!!! Mommy…Macy’s looking at me!!! Can we leave her at the next McDonalds we pass?

2) Macy: “Ewwwww….what’s that smell? Eww…skunk.”

Wife: “No dear…it’s your father.”

3) Me: “So, I says to the guy… ‘that’s what she said.’ Hahahahahahaha”

Wife: “honey, I think you’ve had enough coffee for now, mmmkay?”

4) Grayson: “Mommy can you hear this bell ring? If you can it means you ‘Believe’ in Santa.

Wife: “Yes, yes I can.”

Grayson: “Daddy, can you? Daddy? DADDY!!?”

Me: “I believe in the fact that Indiana is the worst state to ever drive the fu..”

Wife: “STOP! No cursing sweetie. No cursing.”

5) Grayson: “Daddy, is it true that Justin Bieber is a horrible singer and just a pawn of a major music corporation to sell a well packaged, innocent looking young man singing over-produced music to the mass general public in an effort to get rich quick?”

Me: “I love you Grayson. I really really love you.”

6) Wife: “HONEY!!! WATCH THE ROAD!!!  You can Tweet later!!”

7) Grayson: “Daddy I have to go boom boom!”

Five minutes after we stopped for Grayson to go boom boom:

Macy: “Daddy, I have to go boom boom.”

8) Macy: “Mommy, where do babies come from?”

Grayson: “Yeah, good question. Where do they come from?”

Me: “Wow…that IS a good question. Honey, where do babies come from?”

9) Wife: “Oh look, a town named Grayson! Let’s stop!”

Grayson: “Really?!!! Cool, yeah let’s stop!!”

Me: “Next person that speaks dies. It’s that simple. Words come out of your mouth and you stop living. Less speaky, more sleepy!!”

10) Grayson: “Daddy? Where is mommy?”

Me: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Grayson: “She’s not in the car daddy. I just woke up and she’s not in the car. Where is she?”

Me: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

It should really be a fun trip! Happy Holidays readers!


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Reader Comments (25)

That's truly awesome Sedg! And I can see it really happening! I love #6 the best. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY JUSTIN!

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBecki Myers Dunkes

love it! sounds very familiar....have a great trip as well as a great Christmas. thanks for all you do!

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChris Spradlin

Travel safe and have fun! Merry Christmas!

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbubblewench

I have to go boom boom too!

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter@danmoyle

I think you should record a few of these fun moments and share a video post with us?! Huh - huh?!

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDiane Zerr

Safe travels and it sounds like a great trip! Don't mind me as I hide in my little NC home NOT traveling this year. We've only got one kid, but between her and the dog we took the year off! Happy holidays! :)

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

And I thought 5 hours was bad. WE will have both dogs with us, too. GOOD LUCK!

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAllison Zapata

I'd say drink, but you are driving and that would be bad. Good luck and Godspeed. Where in NC?

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDCUrbanDad

"The next person that speaks, dies."

Love it. I honestly don't think I could handle a 14-hour road trip with adults. And I whine about driving the three hours to Monterey with one kid. Best of luck!

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterlittle big / exlibris

There are many things I'm thankful for this Christmas, being a Jew and all, and one of them is that I don't have to be in that car.

Nice list daddy, but I think you forgot this one:

"Sorry officer, I was just letting my little friend get some air. I promise to put it away when trucks pass by. Please don't arrest me in front of my family. It's lonely in my pants."

Drive safely and I hope you and the family have a great holiday!

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLady of the House road trips, you gotta love em. And by love I absolutely mean hate, lol. Have a great time!

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLin

Hilarious! Any family who has been on a road trip can certainly relate!

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBlogging Her Cloudy Mind

Oh the joys of a road trip with kids.

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJustin

I seriously almost pissed myself on the last one. Try not to kill yourself during the road trip bud.

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkadield

Clearly you have not driven the length of the State of Illinois, because Indiana would not seem as bad. Safe travels and have a Merry Christmas and happy, healthy 2011.

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEric

So where is mommy? Now I'm worried. We made a 8 hr trip from NC last month and I feel your pain.

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTattooqt

Where's the part where someone asks, "Are we there yet?"

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMomma Sunshine

Hilarious! Be safe...

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChelsea @ Vicarious Chelsea

seriously lmfao haha i can so see this happening lmao
i so dont envy you but please for all thats holy dont lose the wifey

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterang

Dammit, they are making me work for EVERYONE in the whole damn company and I am missing out on some good Interwebz stuff!! Fricken work.

Merry Christmas to you and yours Daddio.

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

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