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« Top 10 Things That Will Be Heard During Our 14-Hour Car Ride South | Main | A Day In The Life Of Our Elf On The Shelf »

I Play Fake Santa & Survive

So, last week I was asked/told by a friend of ours that I would be playing “Santa” at her family’s holiday party.

“I talked to your wife and we both agreed you’d be terrific playing Santa at my family’s holiday party. You’ll be so good and the kids will love it. I’ll bring the suit by your house so you can make sure it fits. You’re the best, thank you!”

That’s pretty much how the conversation went as she hopped in her car and drove away.

A day later I tried the suit on and scared the ever-loving-shit out of my kids by walking downstairs sporting the Santa threads.

I then carefully broke it to them that I was to play Santa at a party this weekend and they have to be super secretive about it.

Reluctantly they agreed.

Party day arrives. We cruise into the shindig. The wife is scanning the room for a coat room while I’m in desperate search of anything with alcohol in it.

A few glasses of wine later it’s Santa time! 

I head down to a 1950s tiny little backroom bathroom to make my epic transformation. I ask the wife to come with me so she can give me final touches.

And, of course the daughter comes with us because she’s attached to the wife at the hip.

I’m fairly confident our daughter is scarred for life after watching her daddy slowly turn into the Christmas fat guy.

But she did a good job documenting everything on camera.

Like…me putting my fake boot cover thingies on.

The wife giving me a final prep.

And the scarring picture of all…mommy kissing Santa!

And finally!!! I was ready. (side note…the wife took this picture, not my daughter so please don’t come after me with a pitchfork.)

I bust-up to the scene and the kids are actually buying it!! No one’s kicking me in the shin or farting on my knee.

It all goes kinda well.

Even both my kids fake it really well!

Afterwards the boy informed me that when he was sitting on my lap and put his arm behind me “your back was really sweaty and gross.”

If that’s the worst thing that happened….I’ll take it.

Will I ever play Santa again? Hell no…but I’m glad I did it. At least my daughter was the only child traumatized from the entire event.


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Reader Comments (18)

My hubby used to play Santa for my sister's apartment complex party. She manages low income apartments and there would be a toy drive for the kids there. He loved it.. Even got to come in on a Harley one year.

December 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAngel

That is cool. I remember one year I dressed up at work as Santa. It was a nightmare of an experience.

December 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJustin

That is a job left to people with far more patience that I possess

Gold star for you dude!

December 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChopperPapa

See, your community service is done for the year!

December 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermyturtledove

I played Santa a couple years for a Toys for Tots event. It was rewarding. But I was pretty sober. And on TV. Kudos man!

December 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter@danmoyle

I heard you have to dress as a leprechaun in March. A seriously fucking tall one.

December 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

That is awesome! That mommy kissing santa picture is great :-)

December 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda @ Pass the Valium

Love it! I would never do that. Not many people can say they did that. Is there video out there? I really really want to see video of this!

December 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTheRunningFarmer

Looks like big fun for everybody. And not one kid farted on your lap? That's a Christmas miracle, dude.

December 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFragrant Liar

I don't know about Santa but you'd make one hell of a Jolly Green Giant. ;)

December 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLady of the House

Good job, man. And keep in mind that it could have been your ass that was sweaty. BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAA!! But seriously, you did a great job. :D

December 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNina

Your good deed for the day. Ain't you special?
Glad it worked out! Kids enjoyed it, that's all that counts!

December 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIrene

You might want to rethink the never again. I think momma loved kissing Santa!!! Might lead to another 4 minutes!!!

December 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTiny Tim

I think you should keep the costume and work on a "Bad Santa" routine. A Santa with SCHVETTY BALLZ" would be a good party gig!

December 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIamLittleJohnny

You look like the real Santa. Except for the eyebrows. Pass me my pitchfork.

December 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Animated Woman

Awwww, what a sweet post. Looks as though the kids (and Santa!) had a nice time :)

Thanks for the Twitter follow!

December 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCharlotte

Mommy kissing Santa is perfect! Too cute, you're a great sport, and your kids totally are, too!

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

Man, way to go above and beyond!

December 29, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterb harper

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