Tomorrow at 5 a.m. our lovely, adoring, sweet little family will sleepily pile into the over-stuffed car and head south from Chicago to North Carolina for Christmas.
Presents will be packed amongst suite cases, games, and high hopes that Santa will make this THE most bestest Christmas EVER!
Me? I’ll be in the driver seat clutching a large cup of joe looking at the open road thinking “bring it bitch! Let’s do this.” And, I’ll have full intent of making the trip in no less than 14 hours.
Come hell or high water, this car will drive into the in-laws’ driveway by 7 p.m.
Want to make a bet? No?
Well, here’s something you can bet on!
The Top 10 Things That Will Be Heard During Our 14-Hour Car Ride South
1) Grayson: “Macy, stop looking at me. Stop. STOP!!!! Mommy…Macy’s looking at me!!! Can we leave her at the next McDonalds we pass?
2) Macy: “Ewwwww….what’s that smell? Eww…skunk.”
Wife: “No dear…it’s your father.”
3) Me: “So, I says to the guy… ‘that’s what she said.’ Hahahahahahaha”
Wife: “honey, I think you’ve had enough coffee for now, mmmkay?”
4) Grayson: “Mommy can you hear this bell ring? If you can it means you ‘Believe’ in Santa.
Wife: “Yes, yes I can.”
Grayson: “Daddy, can you? Daddy? DADDY!!?”
Me: “I believe in the fact that Indiana is the worst state to ever drive the fu..”
Wife: “STOP! No cursing sweetie. No cursing.”
5) Grayson: “Daddy, is it true that Justin Bieber is a horrible singer and just a pawn of a major music corporation to sell a well packaged, innocent looking young man singing over-produced music to the mass general public in an effort to get rich quick?”
Me: “I love you Grayson. I really really love you.”
6) Wife: “HONEY!!! WATCH THE ROAD!!! You can Tweet later!!”
7) Grayson: “Daddy I have to go boom boom!”
Five minutes after we stopped for Grayson to go boom boom:
Macy: “Daddy, I have to go boom boom.”
8) Macy: “Mommy, where do babies come from?”
Grayson: “Yeah, good question. Where do they come from?”
Me: “Wow…that IS a good question. Honey, where do babies come from?”
9) Wife: “Oh look, a town named Grayson! Let’s stop!”
Grayson: “Really?!!! Cool, yeah let’s stop!!”
Me: “Next person that speaks dies. It’s that simple. Words come out of your mouth and you stop living. Less speaky, more sleepy!!”
10) Grayson: “Daddy? Where is mommy?”
Me: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Grayson: “She’s not in the car daddy. I just woke up and she’s not in the car. Where is she?”
Me: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
It should really be a fun trip! Happy Holidays readers!
