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I Got Blocked!

Writer’s block from hell has set in.

The past two weeks I’ve been all out of sorts. I’ve walked into walls, fed the kids rocks, and spent hours chasing the dog around the backyard screaming “come here piggy piggy.”

I guess it’s not technically writer’s block because I’ve been writing.

I write a lot for work. I wrote (and drew) a little something something for JC Little and her blog that should be posted soon! Stay tuned!

But as far as here. Well….it’s been sporadic at best.

So, I’m going to just free write about a few blog ideas I’ve been toying with, post it and move on hoping it solves my problem.

At first I was going to write something about politics because…well because you better have voted today! Except you people…please don’t vote today.

I was going to continue the post I’d done a week or so ago about my kids running campaign ads against each other and write about them at polling stations telling voters as they walked by that the other candidate pees on Dora’s map and at night tells their most inner secrets to a stuffed SpongeBob doll.

But then I was all, “that’s stupid. You can’t recycle old posts like that.”

Then I thought about writing a post about how my wife just got prescription glasses.

She’s had headaches for a longtime and recently it dawned on her that, “holy shit. I think on account of me not see’n too good (she’s from the south) I reckon I might need me some spectacles.”

Originally I thought she said “testicles” and promptly ripped my clothes off, tackled her, and was seconds away from “the sex” when the pepper spray hit me.

So, she got her eyeballs checked, a prescription written, and yesterday, picked-up her new eyewear.

Then, as I was sitting at my computer working she walked by sporting her new glasses. BUT!!! Not JUST her new eyeglasses, but also her tight-fitting spandex running gear.

*Side Note: I have a huge….HUGE glasses fetish. I have no clue where it stems from. Maybe I had a super sexy elementary school teacher that sent me down this road, but regardless… glasses do it for me.

*Side Note’s over…back to the stupid.

My foot started thumping like a happy puppy’s tail, my eyes bulged from their sockets and immediately my wife reached over, tapped my nose hard and said, “NO!!!! DOWN BOY!!!! NO!!”

But then I was all, “you can’t write about that…it’s just too revealing and women sporting glasses will avoid the ever-living hell out of you!”

Finally I contemplated the fact that our stupid damn new dog, who I’ve affectionately named “That Furry Fuck I Didn’t Want Yet My Kids And Wife Talked Me Into But That Now The Wife’s Even Overwhelmed By Even Though It’s Always Left To Me To Take Care Of Him Dog,” has an obsession with peeing on our damn kitchen carpet.

He’s awesome everywhere else throughout the house. But for some reason, that red carpet is his pee-bitch.

But then I was all, “who cares? Everyone’s dog pees in the house at some point and who wants to read about your damn pets?”

So…that’s how my brain’s operated over the past two weeks. Yet, I’ve blogged and yet, I blog today.

So, with that, I make my final plee to the blogging lords and ask them to free the brain!!!!

Guess we’ll see what their verdict is over the coming days! Hang in there reader kids, I promise it’ll all come back!!


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Reader Comments (15)

Stop being so judgmental - write about the campaign ads, the glasses or the dog - I am certain we will all LOVE it! Now go vote.

November 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaren Owen

Doesn't sound like writes block to me! I'm with Karen, I'd like to hear about that campaign!

November 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNicole

They need a pill (like viagra) for writers block.

November 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJustin

Pets suck. That's why I don't have any pets. They piss and shit in your house and even one good soak of piss down in my carpet and carpet padding is one too many. Ppl with dogs have stinky houses and never know their houses stink. And you can't sit on their furniture without getting said dog's hair or cat hair all over you. I say donate the little phucker to the Humane Society. I hear they are always looking for cute new animals to keep them company.

November 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPeggy Sue Brister

It's weird, your brain dump smells a lot like hummus. Did you eat hummus?

November 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLady of the House

I say you go with the glasses fetish and write one of those Penthouse letters about a dirty librarian. Sounds like your subconscious won't release your imagination until you do. Writers must allways listen to the ID.

November 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTom G.

And yet this post makes more sense than any of my well thought out vodka fueled posts.

November 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHolly B

I did a picture for JC too. But I have started only reading your blog when I have in my contacts, seriously I am already hot enough we don't need to pour gas on the fire here people. So which is worse? The cock block or the writers block? I have never experienced the first and I think I can't legally claim the latter since I don't get paid enough to be called a real writer. Also red rug in kitchens requires dog urine.

November 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThePeachy1

Love the dog's name. Does he come to you when you call him that? Always funny!

November 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDirty Dishtowels

You've been nipping at the flask you brought to Kindergarten yesterday, haven't you?

November 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIrene

Some ideas: surprise emails, out of state conferences...

November 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEllie

Dude, that was hysterical. Doesn't read like writer's block to me:)

November 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersue

I want to hear the kid's campaigns!!!

Also, did you ever listen/watch the TED talk of that Eat, Pray, Love woman?! She said to make up a muse and blame them for your creative blocks. Sometimes it works…

Just make someone up, maybe Bob or Dick (dick could work out in many ways) i.e. Hey Dick! Why are you f!@*ing off? We have a post to write and you're not helping at all. You wanna help me out here?

November 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDiane Zerr

You have carpet in your kitchen?

November 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLizaio

Well, I for one, thought this was pretty damn funny, just the way it is!

November 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKevin

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