Writer’s block from hell has set in.
The past two weeks I’ve been all out of sorts. I’ve walked into walls, fed the kids rocks, and spent hours chasing the dog around the backyard screaming “come here piggy piggy.”
I guess it’s not technically writer’s block because I’ve been writing.
But as far as here. Well….it’s been sporadic at best.
So, I’m going to just free write about a few blog ideas I’ve been toying with, post it and move on hoping it solves my problem.
At first I was going to write something about politics because…well because you better have voted today! Except you people…please don’t vote today.
I was going to continue the post I’d done a week or so ago about my kids running campaign ads against each other and write about them at polling stations telling voters as they walked by that the other candidate pees on Dora’s map and at night tells their most inner secrets to a stuffed SpongeBob doll.
But then I was all, “that’s stupid. You can’t recycle old posts like that.”
Then I thought about writing a post about how my wife just got prescription glasses.
She’s had headaches for a longtime and recently it dawned on her that, “holy shit. I think on account of me not see’n too good (she’s from the south) I reckon I might need me some spectacles.”
Originally I thought she said “testicles” and promptly ripped my clothes off, tackled her, and was seconds away from “the sex” when the pepper spray hit me.
So, she got her eyeballs checked, a prescription written, and yesterday, picked-up her new eyewear.
Then, as I was sitting at my computer working she walked by sporting her new glasses. BUT!!! Not JUST her new eyeglasses, but also her tight-fitting spandex running gear.
*Side Note: I have a huge….HUGE glasses fetish. I have no clue where it stems from. Maybe I had a super sexy elementary school teacher that sent me down this road, but regardless… glasses do it for me.
*Side Note’s over…back to the stupid.
My foot started thumping like a happy puppy’s tail, my eyes bulged from their sockets and immediately my wife reached over, tapped my nose hard and said, “NO!!!! DOWN BOY!!!! NO!!”
But then I was all, “you can’t write about that…it’s just too revealing and women sporting glasses will avoid the ever-living hell out of you!”
Finally I contemplated the fact that our stupid damn new dog, who I’ve affectionately named “That Furry Fuck I Didn’t Want Yet My Kids And Wife Talked Me Into But That Now The Wife’s Even Overwhelmed By Even Though It’s Always Left To Me To Take Care Of Him Dog,” has an obsession with peeing on our damn kitchen carpet.
He’s awesome everywhere else throughout the house. But for some reason, that red carpet is his pee-bitch.
But then I was all, “who cares? Everyone’s dog pees in the house at some point and who wants to read about your damn pets?”
So…that’s how my brain’s operated over the past two weeks. Yet, I’ve blogged and yet, I blog today.
So, with that, I make my final plee to the blogging lords and ask them to free the brain!!!!
Guess we’ll see what their verdict is over the coming days! Hang in there reader kids, I promise it’ll all come back!!