I always wonder what it would be like to live my day to day life like I was 7. Wouldn’t it be just badass?
I’d climb on the train with my SpongeBob backpack and lucky pencil, wide-eyed and ready for the day. I’d sit in my train seat looking around and bouncing in my seat.
“I’m on a train!! Everybody look at me I'm on a crazy fast train!” I’d yell randomly.
“Excuse me sir – I need to see your ticket,’ the conductor would say.
“Umm…my daddy has it,” I’d say while still bouncing in my seat and looking out the window.
“Sir, it’s 7 in the morning and I don’t get paid worth a shit. Just show me the ticket.”
“Oooohhh..you said a naughty word. I’m gonna tell!!”
“You know what…you’re an asshole.” He’d say as he walked away.
“Oooohhh oooohhh you did it again,” I’d say as I raised my hand hoping the teacher would call on me.
Getting into work I’d settle in by trying to figure out the computer for a while. After failing miserably at that I’d go raid the office supplies for pencils, pens, markers, and paper.
“Hey..uh…you’re…you’re drawing a picture of you and a cat,” my boss would say after walking in my office and seeing me laying on my stomach on the floor drawing.
“Yeah, and his name’s Jasper and I’m standing next to him, and he’s my favorite, and I’m going to write my name and his name on it, and I’m going to give it to him.”
“Seriously…what’s going on?”
“Nothing, we’re just standing together in the picture. Why? Should I draw me petting him?”
“No, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you laying on the floor coloring instead of working?”
“Oooohhhh you said a bad word! I’m gonna tell?”
“Are you serious? You’re gonna…you’re gonna tell? Who are you gonna tell? Get off the floor and get back to work…..Jesus…who the hell lays on the floor and colors at work? What is wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Well…I’m kinda upset. I just walked in and found my employee laying on the ground coloring. Is everything OK or do we need to have a talk?”
“I don’t know, do we need to have a talk?”
“I’m asking you that.”
“Knock knock silly.”
“Did you just call me ‘silly?’”
“Come on…knock knock.”
“Holy shit…fine!! Who’s there?”
“You’re making my head hurt. I can’t believe I’m…”
“The Easter Bunny!” I’d yell as I rolled in the floor laughing at my awesomeness.
“I swear to God I’m about to kick the shit out of you.”
“Why would you kick me…that’s just mean.”
“Get the hell out of my office…NOW!!!!”
Standing up and grabbing my picture I drew for Jasper, I’d say, “FINE!! I hate you!!” and I go stomping out….
Aahhh what a life it’d be. The shear ignorance to the rules, regulations, discipline, responsibilities, and awkwardness of day-to-day life. I wouldn’t mind a week of that.