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Main | To Lie or Not to Lie »

A Rookie Mistake

So, I screwed up.

I made a very rookie parenting mistake. It’s the rookiest of all rookie parenting mistakes.

I make the kids lunches every morning. It’s my minimal contribution to the day. So, yesterday morning I go in the kitchen to begin this thankless process of packing a delicious, healthy meal which my kids will only eat half of.

I throw four pieces of bread down, grab the mayo, mustard, turkey, lettuce and cheese and immediately notice the counter is full. No room for me to work my sandwich magic.

What’s taking up so much room? A big package of Halloween Oreos. So, I pick it up and it’s surprisingly light. A bit astonished at this since we just bought the package yesterday, I open it to see how many are left.

One. One cookie is left.

All I want to do is throw this damn package away since it’s taking up crucial counter space needed for me to get my sandwich makin’ business on.

I grab a plastic bag, throw the cookie in it and toss it into one of the kids’ lunch pouches. Then, I throw the empty package away.

BOOM! Problem solved.

I finish making their delicious lunches, throw their lunch pouches in their book bags…my work here is done.

Fast forward to 8 hours later. I’m cranking away at work when I get a text from the wife who’s picking up the little bastards at school. And that’s when the rookie mistake slams me in the balls…..

Immediately I feel like the biggest asshole ever. My little girl is sitting in the back of a car, crying because her daddy that she loves so much decided to deny her a round, crumbly, chocolate Halloween treat in her lunch. In her brain I might as well have reached my hand into her chest and ripped her heart in two.

Not only that, my hands are now tainted with favoritism and she has proof which no doubt will be rubbed in my face for the rest of my life. The infamous "Halloween Oreo cookie my daddy loves my brother more than me" incident.

I can see myself sitting across from my strung-out daughter and a therapist during the taping of an Intervention TV episode 10 years from now learning that she uses crack to fill the void left by the uneven treatment in distributing Halloween Oreos within the family.

I couldn’t have that. I will not turn my daughter into crack addict!!

So, I did this:


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    Response: Carlos Good

Reader Comments (21)

:) MMMMm....yes.....the rookie mistake. The Toothfairy neglected to show her lazy ass at our house for 2 nights in a row last month....Actually what happened was...the first night "she" forgot and the second night "she" thought that "he" was taking care of it. So the She and He fairy not only FORGOT...but further LIED about Toothfairies needing vacations too which spiraled in the minds of the 6 and 7 year old to tearful "maybe her Grandma died (their great Grandma was sick in the hospital at the time). They may or may not need therapy at some point.

October 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie Warren

Funny thing is, I can make this mistake too, and I only have 1 kid! I hear about the cool stuff the other kids' parents put in their lunches and get an earful from my kiddo when I pick her up in the evenings after work. Sometimes we just can't win. Cool cake though, nice save.

October 2, 2012 | Unregistered Commenter@bluenotebacker

Mwahahaha, yeah... that was so a rookie mistake... I could see it come too, "oh no... he isn't gonna do it... just eat it... eat the oreo!!!! NO!, Damn, he did it...." Yeah, MacLeod did the EXACT same thing like two weeks ago... sans cake... you gots some skills up on him there.
Anyway... nice recovery!

October 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMom

Been there, done that. Two words: cafeteria lunch.

October 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterClaudia

Kids eventually learn life isn't always fair...

My Mom used to pour the milk so we each had exact same amounts. Otherwise dinner was a nightmare of no fair he/she got more.

I never played that game with my kids. My kids get what I give them and they know I didn't have to give 'em anything extra in the first place. I wasn't sure if it would work, cuz even to my own ears it seems a but harsh, yet there are few if any disagreements over what so and so got in this house, so maybe I am right to do it my way.

When I had my kids, Mom told me to take copious notes through their lives, that way if I fuck 'em up good, I can just hand all the notes over to their future therapist to save time and money.

Don't beat yourself up too much. We all make little mistakes and you made her feel better in the end. That smile makes it all better.

October 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMommaC

I mean who leaves 1 cookie?

October 2, 2012 | Unregistered Commenter@ieatmykidzsnack

And the boy isn't asking where his cake is?

October 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCynthia Meents

That was funny!

October 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSue

That was control by you sir well done, I would have eaten it, but great save with the cake (sure she shared with the boy).

My mistake, packing the kids lunches before my morning coffee. Only one eye half open.
Picked up their school bags and put their boxes in. Now, mind you I have a 4 year old girl and a 5 year old boy.

My Violet came home first, I asked her how school was. She said "It was good played with my best friend and painted" then said opening her school bag,"oh, momma your a silly mommy cause you gave me Maximus' lunch box", she saw the horror on my face but laughed and ran off to play.

My Maximus came home a bit later, I nonchalantly asked him how his day was...hoping it went well but this is the answer I received instead; "MOM! you gave me the GIRLY SPARKLY FAIRIES LUNCH BOX in my school bag!!

Well his day was ruined and also to add he had mustard on his sandwich, at least hes only 5 and hardly remembers where he puts his shoes.

btw keep on writing we love the stories

October 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRabbit

Nice Cake!

October 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJosie

LOL! I'm doing the crying laugh reading this one. I even pulled the wife over to read it. I agree, who leaves one cookie?

That's a big move going with the whole cake to make her feel better. I have to say, that's much more than I would have done. I just spread around the favoritism or yell at the other kids at other times to throw them off the scent. That keeps everything balanced.

October 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBrian Stephens

Bwahahaha that is hilarious! The texts were even better and WAY TO GO on the cake! She should have slammed it in her brothers face! Eat that! :)

October 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLindsay A

This is why mine will remain an only child.
If there is any usage of crack in his future it will be used as a method to erase the memories of Chinese torture chamber techniques I use in place of spanking. There. I've said it. Waterboarding may violate UN sanctions, but it flies in my house.

October 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterShellie

I circumvent these things by telling all four of my children that they are my favorite. "Mom's favorite" is not synonymous with "whomever Mom has suckered into doing her a favor now"

November 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBoingerhead

ROOKIE MISTAKE! LOL but it seems you have redeemed yourself. :)

November 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

BWAHAHA!! oh my goodness i randomly came across you on Twitter and I am so happy that I have.

I can only imagine the pure stress of that car ride lol!!

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEschelle

Amazing how so much can ride on one...single...Oreo. You swooped in for the win though, and lived to sleep inside another day.
Our two oldest are 4 years apart, and I'm still having to be fair or suffer the consequences. Grrr....

The Cheeky Daddy

December 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJason

Hey, where is why is daddy crying? No post for so long:(

February 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArifa

1. You are making the rest of us look bad with the Sorry Cake. Don't do that again.

2. Your wife is right. About the cookie and everything else she brings up. :)

February 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHeather Lambie

Isn't life grand! That is if humor is in reach.. If you like to--need to laugh. Right now! Download the e-book on Kindle: THE BELLIGERENT NUDIST. You will laugh and understand, and it will help to restore you.

September 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHoward Egger-Bovet

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