My Homage To Stay-At-Home Moms
Tuesday, June 7, 2011 at 8:20AM I’ve said it before, but not quite so bluntly.
Stay at home moms watching children full-time should win Emmy’s, free groceries and not have to pay taxes.
I have every Monday off from work.
Yesterday was the little nippers’ last day of school. They went in for one hour, then came home by 10 a.m. just as the wifey was hopping in the car to head for work.
I swear I heard uncontrollable laughter as she drove off leaving me with a yipping dog, a daughter screaming “I want cereal PLEASE daddy!!!,” and a boy behind me saying “can I have a play date? Daddy? Play date? Can I have one, Please!!!” just as the doorbell was ringing with the neighborhood kid standing next to it.
An hour later I had two kids in the basement playing, my son was riding his bike down the street screaming “I’ll be back dad,” just as my phone rang and the dog hit his “I need to go outside” bell.
It wasn’t even 11 a.m. and I was looking around the kitchen for a bottle with a lose top.
11:30 a.m. and I’m out front sweating my ass off watching my daughter fly down the sidewalk on her bike, barely missing hitting the two-year-old neighbor kid, just as another neighbor-kid climbs a tree in our yard 6 feet above concrete. Another neighbor kid opens the door to my house to go “wee wee” leaving it open long enough for my dog to fly out and run for his life down the street.
As I’m running down the street my son yells, “DAD!!! I’M GOING OVER TO #%@&^ HOUSE! I’LL BE BACK LATER!! Only problem was I had no clue in hell who this kid was or where he lived.
About 20 minutes later the boy’s pissed at me, the girl is changing into her 3rd outfit for the day and I’m in the kitchen making lunch for four kids, each with their own dietary requests.
One minute later and I’m pondering how in the hell I can make it to the local liquor store without having child services called on me.
The chaos continued. But, thankfully I have the support from a neighborhood stay-at-home mom who calmly came over and took control from my rookie ass.
And I was in awe….
I immediately fell to her feet, skinning my knees, but not caring a single bit because I knew I had just met a true “stay-at-home mom.”
With the wave of her hand children were coloring on the sidewalk. Songs were being sung by many. Smiles were on faces that just seconds ago were covered by tears. And I believe I heard a “thank you mamma” trickle off into the air leaving me humbled, numb, and thankful.
I crawled to her feet like a man left for death in the blistering heat of the hot desert sun finding a spring of water. Clasping her ankles I looked up and said, “teach……me….for….I…..fear…them…..and….they…smell…..my…blood!!!”
She simply reached down, patted my head, laughed, and walked back to her house. As she grew smaller as she walked further away I noticed the children slowly focusing their gaze on me, one-by-one.
It wasn’t until the door slowly closed behind the coveted stay-at-home mom that the death children dropped their tasks and began bringing the rapture back to me.
Dear Stay-At-Home Moms:
We love you. Adore you. And you are irreplaceable.
Love,
Me
Reader Comments (34)
As any good, stay-at-home Mom will tell you, planning is key. Plan to stock the liquor cabinet every Sunday night. Then, you won't be scrambling for the tequila shooters so desperately needed to maintain the calm exterior so many of us pretend to have.
Who is this amazing mom you speak of? I must meet her.
AWESOME! Totally awesome!
The pilot episode of According to Jim has him coming home from work to screaming kids and a very war torn house. His wife is sitting on the couch, he asks her what happened. She said "you know how you always ask me what I did all day? Well, today I didn't do it". Totally encompasses the JOB of being a parent at home with the kids. It does get easier, but for now, I can't wait to get out of the house and go to work.
She is me, and her is I, and well, it appears I've had to dip into the liquor cabinet a tad earlier than [hiccup] usual today. It would certainly be a pleasure to meet you. I probably shouldn't drive right now.
This is awesome and you are awesome! My husband will say the same thing. He actually admitted that he felt like going to work on Sunday because of the madness and didn't know how I did it every day.
I just wanted to let you know that I've awarded you the Versatile Blogger Award!
Stop by Far From Camelot to get the information!
Have a great day!
Beth
My husband and I both work from home....with two kids at home and could have written this post (with far less wit and humor) ifi just went to the store by myself. Seriously he would rather load up the kids and sit in the car while I shop than be at home alone with the kids.
This is AWESOME!! Thank you! Duct tape, liquor, routines, and playdates at OTHER people's homes...those are my tricks.
@Lady of the House - LOL!!
Although I'm sure you've exaggerated your ineptitude, the story is great and much appreciated! I feel like I'm a complete disaster many days and I've been at home for nearly five years now. I have two boys and my worst stories involve plungers, wet hair, and strange noises coming from the bathroom...
Hi,
I had to do a double take when I saw this post. So few people (men especially) understand how hard it is to be a SAHM. I know I never really got it until I was laid off for 3 months. It was extremely hard and that was only for 3 months! I honestly don't know how SAHM or even SAHD do it. I admire them for it, though.
Also, I just wanted to let you know that I've chosen your blog for the Versatile Blogger Award! :) I think your blog is a lot of fun to read and is extremely insightful! Please stop by my blog to find out more info!
Lisa
That was hysterically funny! By the way, I NEED your neighbour to come to my house, oh... say daily? I'll pay her. Would $100 an hour do?
I couldn't agree with you more. Sometimes I dread when my wife leaves for a bit. Unless it is 10 minutes after the kid's bedtime. I could never switch jobs with her. I'll keep my day job, thank you very much.
If I get around to it, I'm going to link back to this post because you just said what I think I've always wanted to hear. I bet you've always been popular with the ladies!