The Panicked Cry Of Our Children
Thursday, August 26, 2010 at 5:50AM “Daddy!!!!!?!!!?!”
“Mommy!!!!?!!!?!”
At least five, six, eighteen times a day we hear this.
It’s the panicked call from our children freaked out over the fact they currently cannot hear or see us.
So, naturally in their minds, the wife and I have grabbed the car keys, robbed a bank of a few C-notes and headed to the bar to suck-back a few ice-cold-coke-colas whilst leaving our beloved-children to wallow in an empty house.
Meanwhile, in reality, we’re no less than 30 feet away cooking their dinner, washing their clothes, or cleaning up their mess.
Just last night I walked upstairs to pee and noticed the hallway light, both their room lights, and our room light was on.
It was enticing enough to walk outside and give a wave to the Space Station to at least give me comfort enough that the $500 electric bill coming up was spent in becoming an astronaut’s BFF.
We have no idea what created this panic in our children to make them freak the hell out if they don’t hear us creak the wood floors every four minutes. But it’s out of control.
Again, last night I stood in the hallway and proclaimed, “children of my seed listen to my words!!! I shall never leave you alone in the house. The Wife and I shall never depart you un-attended, fending on your own and proclaiming you fit to handle the world.”
Ten minutes later as I was busy explaining to my wife that the “Man vs. Wild” dude was a total fucking wuss, the kids screamed, “Mommy!!!!!?!!!! Daddy???!!!!!!!” while a cricket landed two feet from me and caused me to jump on a table top and throw pillows.
The solution? I have no clue. Maybe do what my mom did back in the early 80s when she accidentally left my brother in a shopping cart at the grocery? Some sort of shock therapy like that?
Now that I think of it, that won’t work. To this date whenever my brother sees or touches a shopping card he pees himself and screams for his mommy.
No, we’ll just continue to hope they outgrow it and in the meantime chalk it up to another insanity I can hold over their heads until they’re parents.
Then, I’ll just laugh and say, “I’ll take some more wine please!”
Reader Comments (9)
My 5-yo daughter is the same way. She couldn't find us once when we were out watering the garden in the back yard, and she freaked. Now she's certain at any moment, we will actually scale our privacy fence and abandon her. No matter how many times I've told her we'd leave through the front door and not over the fence, she still worries when we go in the back yard.
When I leave the room and come back, the tot wants to know why I left her all alone?
Are you kidding me? Mine are 19 and 22 and even though they don't scream "MOMMY" or "DADDY"!!!! when they can't see us, they will command "Don't move from this isle" and go off to check something out in another part of the store. I kid you not. I just look at them with a bewildered look and say "Ooooooooooooooooooooook".
Yet, you see little kids running amuck in Walmart or grocery stores, totally unattended like they own the place. Why aren't they freaking out?
I actually have the opposite problem. My 20 mo DD is so independent she couldn't care less a good deal of the time if I am around. Even in public places with strange people. She will charge right off and not even look to see if I am around. It scares the *$% out of me! I mean, I don't want her to be all clingy and afraid and have to be with me every second of every day. But isn't there a happy medium somewhere?
My toddler's separation anxiety is so bad that I can't take two steps into the kitchen without her clinging to my legs and shrieking. I don't know what causes it, but I'd love to find a solution!
Forgot to mention that the only time my DD does feel the need to be with me is when I go to the bathroom. If I dare to close and *gasp* lock the door, she will stand there wailing and banging on the door. She goes ballistic. The child gets less upset when I leave her with a babysitter.
I hear that Xanax is great for that. Them, you, both, it doesn't matter.
Yes, yes, yes! Wine (or imbibe beverage of choice) is the only option! If my almost 5' tall 9 y/0 doesn't call for me morning, noon, and night when he just saw me a nanosecond before, I don't know what the hell he spends all day doing...
Now I really should know the psychological/developmental stage when this passes, but I think b/c my son's likely past the point where this "object relations" task should have been met, so I'll continue to sigh and sip before affirming!
I think you should hang a bell from your balls.