Snapshots From the Life Of A 35-Year-Old
Friday, July 2, 2010 at 7:18AM Tomorrow’s my birthday!!
July 3 will mark the 35th year I’ve kicked around dirt on this lovely spiraling rock. I’m five years closer to that magical number 40. And, as a someone nears that age their forced to take a moment and reflect on everything they’ve done since they were born.
So here’s my reflection. Snapshots of my life over the past 35 years:
July 3, 1975 I’m born! Holy shit it’s bright out here
Age 1 - What’s up bitches!! I can walk!!
Age 2 - I don’t wanna poop in that thing!
Age 3 - Mine!
Age 4 - Is this a losth toof?
Age 5 - Why is the sky blue? Why do birds fly? Why does daddy’s butt make those sounds?
Age 6 - Can you turnaround while I get dressed?
Age 7 – Mommy, can I have a Garfield lunchbox?
Age 8 – My first record – The Beach Boys, Surfin’ USA
Age 9 – My first kiss.
Age 10 – Double digits bitches! I’m an adult and now! I know everything!!
Age 11 – My mom makes me Jams that are too poofy in the front so I look like I’ve got a butt-in-front.
Age 12 – I love every girl that looks my way and masturbation is so AWESOME!!!!
Age 13 – Iron Maiden, Meggadeath, MTV Headbangers Ball
Age 14 – My first heartbreak.
Age 15 – Music obsession reaches a new high.
Age 16 – I start dating my future wife.
Age 17 – This writing thing is pretty damn cool. Maybe I should obsessively write a journal and poetry…
Age 18 – I can drink, party all night, go to class when I want and my parents aren’t around? I LOVE college!
Age 19 – Long hair and living the grunge life-style.
Age 20 – I guess I’ll major in journalism and minor in professional writing.
Age 21 – I sell my car for $50 and my best friend almost murders me over it.
Age 22 – Why hello there real world…damn this sucks!
Age 23 – I marry the wife and place my balls in jar never to be seen again.
Age 24 – The wife and I contemplate moving to Washington state for the hell of it. End up in Virginia instead.
Age 25 – My first house! Now I’m all grows up!
Age 26 – Let’s start taking this running thing to a whole new level!
Age 27 – It’s a boy!! Let’s name him Grayson!
Age 28 – I just….want….to…..sleep. And I run my first marathon!
Age 29 – It’s a girl!!! Let’s name her Macy!
Age 30 – I just….want…to…sleep.
Age 31 – Oh sweet vasectomy how I love you!!
Age 32 – No more diapers! No more cribs! And everyone’s sleeping! Could this be real?
Age 33 – Alright family…let’s pack-it-up and move our asses to Chicago!!
Age 34 – Wow…this four-months being unemployed sucks…. Oh hey new job!
Age 35……..
What a wonderful ride it’s been.
35 years old, birthday, growing up, kids, life, marriage, running
Reader Comments (11)
Happy Birthday! Awesome people are born in July. In other words, I'll be 26 this month!
Happy Birthday old man! Just kidding, not, no really. Have a wonderful Birthday!
Happy birthday!! And wow, you were advanced! I didn't find masturbation untiI I was 13 and didn't have a vasectomy until I was 33!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! That was so funny! I have 4 boys.. 19,18, 5 & 3 It's nice to know what they are really thinking o_O
Have a Happy Birthday eh?!
Age 42 - Gender reassignment surgery complete!
Happy Birthday my friend!
I don't know if I really needed to know all that. Or wanted to know all that.
And how can you be sleeping ALREADY.
I'm 38 and I am still not sleeping.
Happy Birthday. Hope you have a great day with zero crying.
HAHAHA! awesome post. and happy birthday to ye! love your comments through the ages. oh & btw? i fought like hell to name our kid 'grayson' while pregnant if we would have had a boy - we had a sweet little lady named poppy instead. but i still LOVE that name... (:
hope your birthday is a very happy one. love your blog. happy to be in touch!
cheers!
Happy happy birthday to you! May you have yourself all kinds of nucking futty fun today filled with lots of beer & sex (hey, maybe that's a pipe dream, but at least it gives you something to wish for when you blow out those candles....)
xoxo ;-)
I'm so sorry I missed your birthday! I hope you had a good one! Now you can add -
Age 35 - first threesome
Cheers toots,
Dirty Mommy
I loved this! An excellent depiction of 35 years.