Tomorrow’s my birthday!!
July 3 will mark the 35th year I’ve kicked around dirt on this lovely spiraling rock. I’m five years closer to that magical number 40. And, as a someone nears that age their forced to take a moment and reflect on everything they’ve done since they were born.
So here’s my reflection. Snapshots of my life over the past 35 years:
July 3, 1975 I’m born! Holy shit it’s bright out here
Age 1 - What’s up bitches!! I can walk!!
Age 2 - I don’t wanna poop in that thing!
Age 3 - Mine!
Age 4 - Is this a losth toof?
Age 5 - Why is the sky blue? Why do birds fly? Why does daddy’s butt make those sounds?
Age 6 - Can you turnaround while I get dressed?
Age 7 – Mommy, can I have a Garfield lunchbox?
Age 8 – My first record – The Beach Boys, Surfin’ USA
Age 9 – My first kiss.
Age 10 – Double digits bitches! I’m an adult and now! I know everything!!
Age 11 – My mom makes me Jams that are too poofy in the front so I look like I’ve got a butt-in-front.
Age 12 – I love every girl that looks my way and masturbation is so AWESOME!!!!
Age 13 – Iron Maiden, Meggadeath, MTV Headbangers Ball
Age 14 – My first heartbreak.
Age 15 – Music obsession reaches a new high.
Age 16 – I start dating my future wife.
Age 17 – This writing thing is pretty damn cool. Maybe I should obsessively write a journal and poetry…
Age 18 – I can drink, party all night, go to class when I want and my parents aren’t around? I LOVE college!
Age 19 – Long hair and living the grunge life-style.
Age 20 – I guess I’ll major in journalism and minor in professional writing.
Age 21 – I sell my car for $50 and my best friend almost murders me over it.
Age 22 – Why hello there real world…damn this sucks!
Age 23 – I marry the wife and place my balls in jar never to be seen again.
Age 24 – The wife and I contemplate moving to Washington state for the hell of it. End up in Virginia instead.
Age 25 – My first house! Now I’m all grows up!
Age 26 – Let’s start taking this running thing to a whole new level!
Age 27 – It’s a boy!! Let’s name him Grayson!
Age 28 – I just….want….to…..sleep. And I run my first marathon!
Age 29 – It’s a girl!!! Let’s name her Macy!
Age 30 – I just….want…to…sleep.
Age 31 – Oh sweet vasectomy how I love you!!
Age 32 – No more diapers! No more cribs! And everyone’s sleeping! Could this be real?
Age 33 – Alright family…let’s pack-it-up and move our asses to Chicago!!
Age 34 – Wow…this four-months being unemployed sucks…. Oh hey new job!
What a wonderful ride it’s been.