First Day Jitters
Friday, March 19, 2010 at 6:23AM Yesterday I got the call I’ve waited four months to get. The one that contains the phrase “I have your job offer letter and we’d like you to start work tomorrow.”
I was in the middle of a huge park on a dirt path next to a waterfall when I got the word. I did a cartwheel, tripped on a root, and almost knocked my first-born into the raging river waters. It’s been a long journey—one that I’ve been so very eager to see end.
Then it hit me. She said “you start tomorrow.”
My mind sucked through the back of my head back to a time when I was just a kid getting ready for my first day of fifth grade. Still a bit sunburned from a long summer of bike riding, mowing grass, getting my ass beat by my brother, and trying to peek in on the girl living next door.
I flew home and kicked the door open in a panic. First things first – what the hell am I going to wear on my first day? I haven’t worn business clothes in months.
I remember as a kid going through my drawers and finding the coolest pair of Jams I could find. Digging through my wadded-up t-shirts I found the most bad-ass Ocean Pacific shirt and laid them on top of my red high-top Converse.
Twenty-three years later I’m laying out my suit, ironing my shirt, dusting off my dress shoes, and making sure I don’t forget to wear my lucky underwear.
Eating that night was always hard because I wouldn’t be able to shut my mind off. Will anyone remember me? Who’s class will I be in? Oh shit I hope I don’t get Ms. Jenkins, her breath smells like my dog’s ass. Then before long, I’d end up face first in the toilet vomiting up my first-day-of-school jitters.
I’m sure at some point tonight I’ll be “talking to Ralph on the big white phone.”
Then comes the sleeping. Setting the alarm clock. Then checking it once, twice, three times.
And not being able to sleep because you fear oversleeping. So you cuddle the alarm clock to make sure you don’t miss a single beep when it finally decides to go off. And it seems you’re waking up every 15 minutes to look at it.
Then the day arrives. You’re dressed and ready to go in record time. Back in the day I would have combed my hair 30 times and checked out my “look” from all angles. I’d make sure I knew exactly how to carry my book-bag so my cool factor would be at the optimum level. Double checked make sure my mom gave me my new Transformers lunch box instead of the Garfield one I carried last year when I was a baby.
Now, I just worry about whether my zipper’s open, that I have my wallet, and that I don’t say “fuck” on the first day.
Tomorrow I start a new job. Tomorrow I get a fresh start. This journey of nearly four months of unemployment has taught me so very much about myself, my friends, family, and the hell many people in this country are dealing with on a daily basis.
I’m very fortunate in so many ways.
Garfield, Ocean Pacific, Transformers, Transformers, jams, jitters, job, puke, unemployment, zipper
Reader Comments (28)
WOOOOHOOO! Alright dude have a great 1st day. Hope they allow some pants optionalism today and you get to show off those lucky
pantiesman pants.Good luck man. Do you have a lucky garter to wear?
You so funny!!!! :) Good luck today! And I love your underwear of choice. ;)
I'm so happy for you. Good luck, knock 'em dead!!
Thanks 4 the laugh first thing this am and best of luck today! You're awesome!
Hope your enjoying your first day. My personal underware preference would be a bit different. Can't stand the string on those but hey to each their own. Hope everyone thinks your cool at work today.
Were you planning on wearing those underpants as an armband?
Remember how talented you are because as much as you are excited they want you. They are damn lucky to get you too. Go kick some ass!
Good luck Man, the one silly thing I worry about when starting a new job is where is the bathroom, and when do I eat lunch and with whom!
Can I have my thong back now? Really awesome dude, psyched for you!
Congratulations! Knock 'em dead! Well, not *literally*. ;-) I'm really happy for you.
Dude - Congratulations!!! Seriously!
....bit pissed that you didn't take a pic of you wearing the lucky underwear though. I hear that adds to the luck.
Congratulations on the new job and those lucky underwear should see you through any unexpected situations
You start on a SATURDAY ?? WTH?
Congrats all the same, welcome back to the workin world :)
Congrats! At least you won't have a pantyline to worry about. Just don't pick the inevitable wedgie in public. Rejoice in your first day jitters, you're alive, healthy(physically at least!) and EMPLOYED!
Love the lucky undies! Good luck! I just went back to work a little over a month ago after being a sahm for the past 13 years! Scared as hell!
I am so happy for you, and I hope this job is everything you had hoped for and more. I <3 the way you always make me laugh.
1) Congrats
2) Nice panties ~ Do you wear those on 'Pants Optional Fridays?"
3) Where is hell is the waterfall ? I mean I know I am in the burbs and I haven't lived here that long but I didn't know about any waterfalls.
4) Good Luck, although I am sure you did great.
GOOD LUCK!!!! Hope you get invited to the cool table and there's no homework. Can't wait to hear about your first day.
Fuck yeah!
WOOOOOT WOOOOOOT!! You're gonna ROCK that shit! Can't wait to hear about how it went!!
Hugs,
Jenny