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I'm Done With You Snuggie!!

At some point in my social media madness I became as synonymous with Snuggies as Sarah Palin has with shotguns, seeing Russia from her backyard, and thinking North Korea is our ally.

Could it be my original post about sex and the Snuggie?

Could it be my take on the Great American Snuggie Family?

Could it be that I just brought this Snuggie-shit-storm on myself?

Quite simply…yes is the answer to all the above.

Fact: At least once every three days I get a tweet, Facebook message, or text from a friend about a new Snuggie that’s come out.

It’s like I’ve become the Woodward and Bernstein of Snuggies. Apparently you’re all my “deepthroats” leaving it up to me to blast the hell out of the underground sadistic Snuggie world.

And I love it!! It’s been awesome!

However, it’s become blatantly apparent how the marketing gurus of the world jam just about anything down our throats and make us buy it.

If Justin Beaver’s skill-less singing triumphs aren’t enough to reveal how marketing sadly dominates our interests, then by Baby Jesus Snuggies definitely do.

It wasn’t until my dear friend Stacey (@ieatmykidzsnack on Twitter) sent me a Tweet of a Santa Snuggie that it hit me…I’m experiencing a mild, diluted version of what child actors must experience.

How many times did Gary Coleman get asked by a nervous elevator-rider to just say “what you talkin’ about Willis?!”

How many times did Macaulay Culkin get aftershave thrown on him in the hopes he’d throw his un-chapped palms against his cheeks and reveal his young, innocent “O-Face?”

The numbers must be obscene.

Am I even in same realm as a child actor? Hell no.

Did I think it was an awesome opportunity to use “O-Face” in a blog post? Yes.

But, it’s time for me to part with the Snuggie.

I’m forever grateful for every email, text, Tweet, Facebook post, etc…. that includes Snuggie insanity.

But I’ve made a grown-ass decision to try and leave it all behind. And, like most child actors…I’m doing it by nudity.

I’m grabbing my long coveted “Pants Optional Friday” by the balls and making it a life-style.

Clothes & Snuggies optional baby!!!

I mean come on! The Snuggie Sutra is just a cumbersome reminder of how painful it was to “get it on” under pegged jeans, long sweaters, and Madonna bracelets back in the day.

Who in the hell wants fake fibers creeping into private areas and getting absorbent at the wrong time? We’re all adults now, right?!

So let’s drop trow, throw those tops on a lamp shade and be done with it. It’s Clothes & Snuggies Optional Lifestyle!

Maybe it’s called the “Nudie?” Maybe it’s called the “What Honey? Yeah I Showered Today, I Swear.” Or maybe it’s called the “No I’m Not Sitting On The Remote, I’m Pretty Sure I’d Know!!”

Whatever it is, it’s not a blanket covering our holy given goods, instead, its letting them flaunt, breathe and hang.

So join the club my fellow campers. Let’s go Clothes & Snuggies Optional this holiday season and give the family something to REALLY talk about.

This blog post is not sanctioned by the people at Snuggie. Snuggie is a trademark carried by the Dudes Owning Universal Class H Eveningware (DOUCHE). Snuggies does not believe individuals should copulate, grope, see, touch, imagine, feel, dream, remember, or even brush up against anything that should resemble human skin. Snuggies should only be worn by WhyIsDaddyCrying’s daughter in the hopes it will keep all participants of the male gender from her doorstep. Any man and/or woman seen at Why Is Daddy Crying’s daughter’s doorstep with the desire to copulate, discuss copulation, or any other inappropriate action should be warned a gun is currently aimed at your “feel good” areas. If you are with the local law enforcement agency or FBI please note that last sentence was only a joke. No it wasn’t. Yes it was.


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Reader Comments (12)

I bet you secretly have three Snuggies. And when no one is home you wear the pretty pink one, completely naked underneath just to feel all that cottony softness against your body and only wearing white socks and dance around to "Old Time Rock and Roll". Be careful, Twitter news gets around fast!

Snuggies are the new pet rocks. 50 years from now kids are going to be going through their parents attics and find these stupid things and think "OMG, my parents had one of these???"

December 1, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIrene

Snuggies = Food for the Land Fill.

Seriously though, do you honestly believe that this post is going to divert the inevitable Christmas Snuggie tsunami from your tweet stream?

Elvis IS alive!!

December 1, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJC Little

I think this post has only served to guarantee you get even more snuggie links. In fact I think I will purposely hunt for them now. And I am pretty damn sure that @ieatmykidzsnack will make up her own if she has to just to torture you!

December 1, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLauri

DOUCHE ftw! Well played, sir.

December 1, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTom B. Taker

my husband bought me a snuggie recently. is it time for the D word talk?

December 1, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterH

I'm encouraged that you've decided to get the hell out of SnuggieLand.

Since you now understand that you can't own a snuggie AND keep your testicles, it is seen as a sign that you understand the finer points of manhood.

Ergo, you can keep your Man-Card.

December 1, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChopperPapa

I can only imagine what you look like naked, please put the Snuggie back on.

December 1, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLady of the House

Poor snuggi, I hope it has a good support system to help with the break up :-(

December 1, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda @ Pass the Valium

So I assume your response to all thing Snuggies-related would be "I'd rather not talk about that. That part of my life is over." from now on?

December 1, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteritsybitsykc

uhm dude I am beginning to think tho dost protest too much.. and wondering if you are a closet snuggie lover.

December 1, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThePeachy1

Where the FRACK is the nudity and the O Face?!!! I thought there were going to be pictures. *sighs*

December 1, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPiper

This is hilarious. I wish my Dad blogged. And I'm biased since my gf is a tutor & nanny with this company but you should give your wife the "date night" package for xmas (linked to my name)

December 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjake

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