New Year's Resolutions 2010
Friday, January 1, 2010 at 10:07AM Thanks to everyone who read my ramblings since I started this madness in August. Thanks to everyone who took time to knock out a comment. And…well, just thanks!
My New Year’s Resolutions
1) Get a job.
2) Stop calling the cat “jagoff,” “furry turd monster,” “sack-o-shit,” and “piece of shit” because it’s just got to be hurting his self-esteem.
3) Run a total of 1,000 miles by the end of the year.
4) Promote Pants Optional Friday until it becomes a global phenomenon or until the wifey starts participating—whichever comes first.
5) Find whatever the hell’s living in my garage and murder it.
6) Write the first three chapters of my book and start pounding down publishers’ doors.
7) Perfect my Moon Walk and be the first person to ever Moon Walk every sidewalk in the Village I live in.
8) Video myself burning the wifey’s Snuggie and YouTube the shit outta that thing.
9) Love the wifey and kids twice as hard as I loved them in 2009.
10) Continue our 7-year streak of not getting caught having sex by the kids.
11) Start a support group for people traumatized by being caught masturbating by their mother when they were a teenager.
12) Teach the boy that when he flicks a bugger they don’t just vanish in thin air—they land and turn into little hard, sharp landmines that eventually cut daddy’s foot open days later.
13) Continue to be honest, open, and consistent on whatever this blog thingy is that I’m doing here—cause in some screwed-up way it’s awfully damn therapeutic.
14) Finally take the picture of Robert Degen down from the wall in the living room and acknowledge that my idol really has passed on.
15) Invest myself more in my life than I ever have and stop acting like I’m waiting for something.
Snuggie, blog, cat, job, life, masturbate, new year, pants optional friday, resolutions
Reader Comments (14)
Stay vigilant. You are an inspiration to Moms and Dads. I hope you get on that book idea, I'm sure you won't have any trouble selling it.
Very good resolutions, except for #2. I see no problem with that one. Cats are evil!
Please keep writing. A new blog post from you is always a highlight in my day.
Wishing a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year, to you and your beautiful family!
I especially like "and stop acting like I'm waiting for something." Most of us are doing that, I think.
Keep it up. :)
Those are some great resolutions, although for #5 I may recommend an exterminator or perhaps the Salvation Army, just a thought.
Keep focused, they're all attainable. Print those bad boys out and keep 'em posted where you will see them regularly and you will knock 'em outta da park my friend!
Looking forward to more posts. Wishing you a happy and fulfilling 2010!
Why I think you are wicked awesome :
1. You are hilarious, like make me snort when I am drunk funny. (It's funny just ask @UnIdleDad)
2, You are open and honest and don't sugar coat the crap. (you can't polish a turd, that's what my Grandpa always said)
Keep on trucking dude, I can't wait to see what 2010 holds for you.
I like the 2nd one. I think that in today's society our cats are suffering from a tremendous amount of pressure to perform increasingly difficult cat tasks. We expect way more from then in 2009 than we did in say 1954. Add to that, when you kids start calling the cat "sack-o-shit" you may just get a whollping slap upside the head from wifey, again calling you a moron and that will color how your children view marriage as a whole. Just sayin'
Momma
PS...my kids are all gingers too...so I have a very special soft spot in my heart for all y'all.
Momma
I feel sorry for that snuggie...
Great New Year's Resolution... my hubs has the same #1 as you! Again send any pointers my way :)
Not bad! My only New Year's resolution is to yell "Batter Up!" whenever I burp out loud.
I am personally rooting for #8 and #12. I would pay to see the video and I'm sure you can come up with a really creative way to instill #12!
Happy New Year!
Personally I'm holdin' out for #4, #8, and #12. Thank you for the many, many laughs you've given us all in 2009. I hope 2010 brings even more love and laughter to your life!
good resoutions. i should steel some of them.
How did you get my photo? ... anyway chill out Im still here ..I havent gone anywhere mate.
OMG, I'm dying at #12. My son wipes them on the nearest wall or window, and they then become shards that have to be cleaned off. You'd think after having to clean these boogerfests of his he'd learn, but nooooooo.