Thanks to everyone who read my ramblings since I started this madness in August. Thanks to everyone who took time to knock out a comment. And…well, just thanks!
My New Year’s Resolutions
1) Get a job.
2) Stop calling the cat “jagoff,” “furry turd monster,” “sack-o-shit,” and “piece of shit” because it’s just got to be hurting his self-esteem.
3) Run a total of 1,000 miles by the end of the year.
4) Promote Pants Optional Friday until it becomes a global phenomenon or until the wifey starts participating—whichever comes first.
5) Find whatever the hell’s living in my garage and murder it.
6) Write the first three chapters of my book and start pounding down publishers’ doors.
7) Perfect my Moon Walk and be the first person to ever Moon Walk every sidewalk in the Village I live in.
8) Video myself burning the wifey’s Snuggie and YouTube the shit outta that thing.
9) Love the wifey and kids twice as hard as I loved them in 2009.
10) Continue our 7-year streak of not getting caught having sex by the kids.
11) Start a support group for people traumatized by being caught masturbating by their mother when they were a teenager.
12) Teach the boy that when he flicks a bugger they don’t just vanish in thin air—they land and turn into little hard, sharp landmines that eventually cut daddy’s foot open days later.
13) Continue to be honest, open, and consistent on whatever this blog thingy is that I’m doing here—cause in some screwed-up way it’s awfully damn therapeutic.
14) Finally take the picture of Robert Degen down from the wall in the living room and acknowledge that my idol really has passed on.
15) Invest myself more in my life than I ever have and stop acting like I’m waiting for something.