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Why is Daddy Crying?

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Entries in knocking boots (1)


The Kids Take Over My Blog

I’m one lucky bastard to be able to work from home 75% of the time. But the days I do go into work, well, it’s a bit of a commute.

But, being the news junky that I am, I slide the shades down over the eyes, make oh sweet love to my coffee, and slip on a little easy National Public Radio (NPR) to listen to.

But the past two weeks…well, it’s been fundraising time at the ole NPR station.

For those who don’t listen to NPR, here’s the quick skinny:

It’s a private non-profit. So, they need members and donors to survive which means they fundraise on the radio a few times a year.

And, when they do…well, it makes you want to slam your head into a concrete wall.

BUT!!!! It did get me thinking. What if I treated my blog like NPR?

Here’s how it would probably go down:

Me: “Hi, and welcome to Why Is Daddy Crying. Today my son walked down the stairs and claimed he took a “really solid shit,” and ten minutes later my daughter was caught feeding a pencil to the dog to chew on.”

Grayson: “But, before we go any further, did you know that for just $1 a day for 365 days you could become a “stalker” member of my dad’s blog?”

Macy: “That’s right. With your membership, you will get a tiny sheet of paper to keep in your wallet or purse that tells others you stalk Why Is Daddy Crying. In addition, we’ll email you plastic fake teeth fashioned by renowned modern artist Akejeudh Von Piekdhjak. The teeth are perfect replicas of the massive front gap-teeth Why Is Daddy Crying lives with each day.”

Grayson: “You know what Macy, this hour only….I’ll even throw in a spork that Why Is Daddy Crying tried to kill himself with the last time I got out of bed and interrupted mommy and him knocking boots.”

Macy: “WOW!!! That spork is legendary! Remember the time the dog tried to eat it and daddy snagged it just in time and started chasing the entire family down the block with it? Now THAT’s a gift!”

Grayson: “It sure is sister-lady. In fact, I’ll go even a step further. Six years ago my mother informed Why Is Daddy Crying that he was going to be a dad with their second child.

“At that very moment he performed the rare, and never-seen-before action of “shartuking.” That’s right Macy. The man literally shat, farted, and puked all over himself.

“Now, it wasn’t his sexist moment in life, but we were fortunately there to capture the moment and strip and bag the man of his clothes."

Macy: “WOW, Grayson…that is phenomenal.”

Grayson: “Yes, yes it is Macy. Now, for those listening. If you make the decision to give $5 a day for 365 days, supporting Why Is Daddy Crying at the ‘come around the corner and I’ll let you ‘see it’ level, then you’ll get a 6 inch by 6 inch swatch of the clothes he wore upon the shartuking incident.”

Macy: “I don’t’ even know what to say. That’s flat-out epic Grayson.”

Grayson: “It won’t happen again in our lifetime Macy, that’s for sure.”

Macy: “So there you have it…it’s your choice. Give at the ‘stalker’ level or the ‘come around the corner and I’ll let you see it level’ – either way, your money is going to support a man who we sadly call our dad, except for when he’s face down on our front lawn…then, well…we refer to him as the ‘jumpy house.”

Grayson: “So give today and support our ongoing efforts to make our dad cry.”