My Kids Are Making-Out In the Back Seat
Tuesday, January 25, 2011 at 8:29AM “Let’s have a kissing war! Grayson, you kiss me and I’ll kiss you back!”
Those were the words which cut through the air and pierced my eardrums as we were driving in the car over the weekend.
I immediately looked over to the wife who was engrossed in her Christmas gifted Kindle.
Clueless as to the words that just filled the air she looked at me and said, “what? What are you looking at? Do I have a boogie hangin?”
Me: “The kids are making out in the backseat!!!”
Wife: “What?!!!”
In movie-like slow motion I see her turn to her left, burning me with a “why does everything have to do with sex with you” look which quickly turns to a “holy shit my daughter and son are about to make out” look.
Watching through the review mirror I see the same horror as her. The daughter is leaning into the brother with a smooch on her lips as the boy finds the nearest solid object to hold in-front of his face.
Being a born and raised North Carolina native, all I could imagine was trotting off with the wife 15 years from now to see our children and driving up to wobbly trailer with my son in nothing but overalls, holding a Budweiser and missing three-quarters of his teeth.
I pictured getting out of the car to hear the boy yell to his pregnant sister/wife, “go on now and feed baby number 5 fore I’s- a tell mamma and papa you’s-a-been smokin’ and drankin’ durin’ pregnancy agin.”
Wife: “Macy!!! No! We don’t do that!!”
Macy: “But I see you and daddy do it!”
The wife and I immediately looked at each other with a “when the hell has she ever seen us kiss? We haven’t done that nonsense since…well since New Year’s 1994” look.
Wife: “Baby, mommy and daddy aren’t brother and sister. We are adults and married. We are happy that you want to kiss Grayson, but you should only do it as a peck on his cheek. Not on the lips.”
Me: “Macy, boys are disgusting. School work and never going out with boys until your 26 years old is really the way to safely go about living your life.
“Now, your brother was brought into this world simply to provide protection against the gross boys who might try to hold your hand, caress your hair, or baby-jesus forbid…kiss you. You should not kiss Grayson, yet merely thank him when he beats-down a young lad who’s entered your ‘personal zone.’”
Grayson: “Mommy, is that true? Is that really why I’m on Earth?”
Wife: “No dear, your father’s an idiot and a freak-of-nature. You are with our family because we love you and wanted a beautiful young boy to share our lives with.”
Macy: “Mommy?! Can I really not kiss boys until I’m 26 years old?”
Wife: “Yes dear. Sorry, but those are the rules.”
When the kids weren’t looking the wife and I gave a quick fist-bump to each other. Now THAT’s good parenting!
Reader Comments (19)
ROFLMAO!!
Make sure you don't move to PA either. Lots of that them thar kissin' cousin shit going on.
And trailers....lots of trailers.....
LOL. Luv it! Especially the part where there's no kissing boys until your 26.
Don't forget Tennessee lot's of those intertwined cousin/wife scenarios and trailers. Also love fist bump parent moments. And can you mention to my hubs my birthdays coming and I want a Kindle so I can not hear the next fight going on from the backseat during a roadtrip?
Awesome.
LMAO
And it all comes to light. INBRED!
Very cute daddy.
Thanks for that!!! I love hearing you talk about the taboo things parents have to always think about... you address brother/sister incest so nicely. :)
LMFAO! Thank God I never had to deal with this issue; mainly because there was such an age gap between my oldest boys and my daughter and then between she and my youngest son--and thank GAWD there were never any "let's play doctor" moments.
You and you're wife deserve freakin' trophies. Brilliant!
HAHAHA! Too funny. Dont worry, she will get one of Grayson's friends.
Excuse me, I am from PA, and there are no kissin cousins where I live. The marriage license office actually asks you if you have any known relation to each other. I do like the idea of no kissing until 26 though....I think I will use that one on the girls.
LOL My 3year old has started doing 'kiss attacks' on her 8year old brother...
The boy know he's not allowed to date until he's 25, not allowed to kiss for the first 6 months, and can't get married until he's 30.
If you ask my husband - the girl won't be allowed out of the house, without him as an escort, until she's 50.
perry county in pa has kissing cousins in the deep back woods.
I stole my hubby from cali :) and traced his family because i alone have 267 cousins
Thanks, I thought I was ten years away from this stuff. Now I find out that I am only four years away from it.
Good save!
BWAHAHAHA. ROFL.
'Hilarious. Oh my. Way to tell 'em. Don't kiss until U R 26.
Hope it works.
LOVE your blog. Little Animation gave me a heads up on you...
Love you.
That's is hysterical! That could be a title for a book..."Parenting and keeping your kids from making out in the back seat"!
LMAO. Thank goodness I have boys.
Never encountered this one since all of my children are girls but I'm very proud on parents like you who manage to mold the behavior of children well. Seems you both have high standards on keeping your children become wholesome as possible like kissing at the age of 26. That is certainly safe for age.
Holy crap! That's hilarious!