I'm a Selfish Prick
Monday, April 5, 2010 at 8:29AM The family and I took a stroll through downtown Chicago yesterday to snap a few photos of my boy’s Flat Stanely for his “what Flat Stanley and I did during Spring Break” homework project. As we’re walking around Millennium Park I notice a family with four kids come strolling by.
My normal response to seeing families with three or more children is to drop to my knees and give big props to the magnificent creature who thought-up the procedure to make a man’s testicles incapable of producing baby-batter ever again.
After completing this feat, I dusted off my knees and continued to watch in amazement to see how this family would deal with four young kids in a tourist-infested area. And what I saw was the wife, slowly, strategically backing away from the family and then disappearing into the crowd. It was absolutely magical.
I so badly wanted to call her out on it…but in a cool way—like offering her a beer to celebrate her efficiency. You know…while the wife and kids continue on and I promise to catch-up later.
The wife and I always wanted kids and knew we wanted them while we were still young so that when we got into our early 40s they would hopefully be moving on to college; or signing their multi-million dollar football deal; or marrying some incredibly rich dude who pays me to never work again so I can hang out, drink with him and make him laugh all day while my daughter makes us meals.
We were amazingly fortunate and able to crank out two little nippers pretty quick and thus the journey began.
I feel there are two majorities of people out there: those who LOVE children and were born to raise them, and those who love children, enjoy raising them, but subconsciously can’t freakin’ wait till they’re 18 years old.
It’s not really something you 100% know about yourself until you have a kid or two of your own. Then it hits you out of the blue and you realize which majority of people you fit into.
A couple months ago the wife and I were riding in the car, alone, when I reached over, grabbed her hand and said, “thank you for letting me pay that nice young doctor fellow to take a knife to my coin purse.”
“What are you talking about now?”
“I love our kids more than anything and you know that. But I can honestly say that I’m way too selfish to ever have more than two kids.”
I cringed because I’d just crossed that line of things you should never say out loud. We clearly already knew we were done after two, but we never revealed to each other why.
A reassuring smile of relief crept across her face as she held her hand up for a high-five and said, “me too!! Waaaayyy too selfish. I love my sleep, my blanket, and my quiet way too much. But I do love the kids…don’t get me wrong. I really really love them!”
“Oh yeah, no…that’s a given. We have stupid love for them…but still…can you imagine more of them?”
“NO…no…I can’t.”
We made love later that night. She made me wear a condom… “just in case.”
Chicago, Flat Stanley, Millennium Park, Spring Break, beer, kids, parenting, selfish
Reader Comments (11)
Truer words were never spoken.
I just booted at the thought of you "making love." However I laughed at the thought of you in stirrups with your bits dangling.
And here I am, about to turn 40 thinking I'm finally NOT so selfish to have a child.... wow. It amazes me how different people are.
We figured that out after just one. That's all for us, thank you very much. (We adore him, we really do, but no more please).
I think everyone feels like you do, but most people are too afraid to speak the truth. I don't have any kids yet but I'm certain after being an aunt that I'll want no more than two or three and to raise them into human beings as soon as the social structure of modern America allows. Then we'll contemplate grandchildren. I hear they are great.
I am glad you both realized that is enough for you. As the father of 6 kids, it's not exactly how I imagined it so long ago. My wife and I absolutely love kids, always have and always will and we both wanted large families.
Just thought 4 would be a large family for us and now adopting 2 more into who were babies when we got them has changed out outlook on life.
I never expected after our 4th to have young ones again and was content with the direction my older ones were going in, however when the younger 2 came into our life, it was no problem for us to shift back into baby mode.
We are done having and adopting kids and I am happy to know that in 18 years they will be adults who can make it on their own. I am also happy to realize that even before I hit 50 the older 4 will have graduated and moved on.
The sad thing left for me is that at this point I can't imagine what my life will look like at that stage when they are gone. I imagine a very quiet lonely house and that make me very sad, but I also know it will be a new time in live for my wife to be able to do the things we want to do then.
Kids are amazing and I can't even begin to imagine what my life would be like without them. Hopefully someone will take care of you in your old age,
I have 3 and every once in a while...I imagine having a fourth. Then I remember that my current existance on 5 hours of sleep is just barely enough and my burning desire to smother Big Red with a pillow every time he complains about ONLY GETTING 8 HOURS of sleep over rides my twinging ovaries and I am thankful for the three nibblets I have.
I think that one more would truly make me a maniacal mom, on the inside and the outside and you would have to commit me to jail or help me fund a defense lawyer (female) who truly believes that it is justifiable homicide for smothering Big Red with a pillow the next time he complains about how tired he is.
My selfish ass is done! I keep pressuring hubby to get the snip snip!
I have three and I totally thought the way you did at 2. But now that I have three its so much easier than one or two for some reason.
I hope to god that I never get so selfish that I wear a Snuggie. *barf*
Yep 2 is enough. More than that and you're just creating your own cult. And with a Snuggie in the house? That's not the cult you want.
It's a mix for us. Glad we didn't decide to have a third - but having been a stay at home mom for 7 years...not exactly sure what to do with myself as they get older.
But def. so very much looking forward to chilling out and having fun with grownups more and more as the kids get independent.