I Am My Wife's Lil-Bitch
Tuesday, April 20, 2010 at 6:33AM I’m a schmuck and my wife knows it.
Her favorite past-time? Watching me jibber jabber my way into a spike-filled corner only to realize too late that I’m bleeding from 30 different places and crying for mercy.
Now that I’ve tipped you off as to how this is going to end, let me begin my story…
I used to commute on the Metra train into the city for my last jobby job. I enjoyed the mile-long walk except days when my nose hairs froze solid or old-lady Gertrude’s teenage snow shovel-boy decided to take the day off. Other than that, it was my time to listen to damn good tunes, people-watch, and occasionally “accidentally” miss a train so I could squeeze-in a quick beer at the Union Station bar.
Now, I drive three days a week along the paved toll-road pathway to the west filling my mornings and afternoons with NPR, good tunes, and views of ladies putting on make-up, guys picking boogers, and the occasional douche camped out in the left lane going the speed limit.
But the most important thing about that last paragraph was the word "toll-road."
Yeah, I have to stop to pay a toll two times each way every time I go into work. Now, they do make this amazing little magic box called an “IPass” that attaches to your windshield and automatically deducts the toll amount from your bank account so you never have to slow down or stop at a toll booth.
When we first moved to Illinois the wife didn’t work at a job…instead, she had the lowest-paying, most difficult job there is—stay-at-home-mom. One weekend after going through a toll road with her I said, “hey, I heard you can buy an IPass at the grocery store. Next time you go you think you can snag us one?”
I did all I could with that sentence…I used positive words…words like “snag,” “us,” “next time”—seemed harmless.
But what the wife heard was, “hey wife that I own and tell what to do all the time. Go fetch us a toll booth thingy now…and take the kids and fucking like it! And while you’re there, wrestle us some food and beer woman!!!”
Months passed and the IPass never came to fruition. Weekends passed where we’d roll-up to toll booths with no change or cash. We’d blow through them only to frantically go online days later hoping we hadn’t missed the deadline to pay them.
The “fuck you, you do it” dance had begun.
The wife didn’t want to feel like she was being “told” to go do something. I wasn’t going to give in and go buy it myself because…well, because I’m a guy and I never give in.
Except for that time I painted every wall in our entire house…all 1,700 square feet of it and asked the wife if she’d just toss some paint on the spindles going upstairs. Four years later we go to sell the house and who was on HIS hands and knees along the stairs holding a paint brush?
And this was no different. This past week I filled out the paperwork online for an IPass, pressed the “submit” button, all the while knowing damn well what the true meaning of the “submit” button meant in this case.
Twelve years and you’d think I would have learned my lesson by now. You’d think I’d know not to fight battles I know damn well I’m going to lose. You’d think I’d know when to give in because at the end of the day…I’m just slowly backing myself into a corner filled with pointy, sharpy things while the wife kicks back, Shiraz in hand, pointing, laughing, and patting herself on the back and saying, “you silly silly man.”
Reader Comments (38)
Dude, I've a wife like yours. I've bean reading on a site called "takeninhand.com" where men stand up to their wives, and help them learn their place. Sounds like you need to read up too. Every relationship is a Dom/Sub and you need to change the dynamics of yours!
Women are all cunts. Get over it and stop bitching you sad fuckers.
Have you ANY IDEA how lame this paragraph sounds? Get rid!
“Twelve years and you’d think I would have learned my lesson by now. You’d think I’d know not to fight battles I know damn well I’m going to lose. You’d think I’d know when to give in because at the end of the day…I’m just slowly backing myself into a corner filled with pointy, sharpy things while the wife kicks back, Shiraz in hand, pointing, laughing, and patting herself on the back and saying, “you silly silly man.””
Women can't live with em can't live without em! Mine gave me sh!t yesterday because she got up late it was my fault, said she's having to do everything ... Wierd this was I got the kids up, breakfast, washed and ready for school oh and took the dog out..... I am still looking for the owners manual as mine is slightly screwed up ... she won't work either or supply sex more than every 6 months
Marriage is misery, dude. It's like boiling a frog, you don't realize that your slowly being killed because it's just one degree hotter each time.
But look at the faces of married men, they're broken, like obedient workhorses. They just toil on handing over money to some woman, until the guy dies.
If your 10-year-old self could have seen what your life would be, would that boy have said "hurray?" Or would he have recoiled in horror, "I don't want to be dreary slave?" It's your life. It's not too late to get out of the marriage quagmire.
Yeah, it probably ain't gonna be any better. Wish I was a fag, then I wouldn't have to put up with women. No such luck.
Either way, once they legalize "gay marriage", homosexuals won't be gay at all - and the world will be full of similar blogs where some worthless twink has completely ruined someones life in much the same manner.
Its a no-win situation - but suicide is looking good these days.
I understand completely. All I want is for my wife to speak only when spoken to and make her body available upon request. Is that too much to ask?
Um, maybe she just forgot! If its not something she dealt with every day, maybe, just maybe she wasn't being a passive aggressive bitch and simply forgot. But you, on the other hand, refusing to do something which would make your life easier simply because you dropped a hint in the car while she was probably thinking about something else, maybe even something she asked you to do that you didn't do, that's just plain old immaturity at best. Perhaps that's why you feel like she's out to get ya! Because you seem like you're playing games and she's not. If it was as simple as putting some info in a computer and hitting "submit" perhaps you should ask yourself what you were asking her to do... Get on down to the store and buy me this thing that will make my life easier, because I can't belittle myself to make your life easier by pushing a freaking button instead of having her haul the kids to the store, remember your little request on top of the "mommy, I wants" while purchasing the things that make all of your lives easier...just a thought.
Man, been there done that ...still doing that. My wife can't seem to do anything by herself. I mean simple things like picking up medicine or something. It is always the things that matter she puts off and I end up doing. Or, she will say she is going to the store ..then 3 hours later she is still here! Then she will say she doesn't feel like it and I end up having to go because there were things I wanted. Let me just not go when she needs or wants something, then it unacceptable. I don't know why I do this, because every-time I stand my ground ... I end up feeling like a bad husband and I never go out with friends or do anything other than be here at home and do stuff for her and the kids. I am tired of being treated like I am some jerk who never does anything for their wife, when I don't get to do anything at all with the guys or just get away. But, she would even turn that around on me and make me feel like it is my fault for not doing anything, but she damn well knows the moment I do, I will get the 3rd degree about who we talked to, etc. It is strange, I feel like the guys who are jerks and do whatever they want get treated like I should and I get treated like they should. Why is it so backwards?
Dude, do you sit down to pee too??
Some wives are bitches. Some wives aren't. The dudes who are calling guys with horrible wives pussy and such probably have really cool wives who aren't all high strung, complaining, no life, nagging witches.
My wife was cool when we met and very free spirited. Now, she's a common bitch who says I ruined her life and control her. She says i control her because I make the money and she stays home with the kids. This was agreed upon when we had our first child. Yeah, I have a steady job making 80k. Yeah I bought us a house in a nice town. Yeah I bought her a nice car (a car she always reminds me is "her" car....whatever). yeah, I'm an awesome dad to my kids. But, I'm still an a-hole. Bought her 12 roses the other day.....her response "what did you buy those for?" For f-ing u! I know this is such a cliche, but if it wasn't for our kids there is nooooo way i would still be associated with this woman. And don't tell me to just get a divorce. Live in my shoes. It isn't that easy.
She's not worth it you are. Get out of the marriage. Be happy you deserve it man.
I'm with you True North. You do lots of things for your woman, and she's still a miserable bitch with no reason to complain. But there it is, constant bitching and lack of closeness cause she can't focus on the good stuff over her headache, tiredness, just not in the moodness, I'm overweight and miserableness. do something about it and love the fuckers that love you, damn woman.
Don't let it be the other way around because she will feel she has the upper hand and cheat on you and blame you for not being a man when times were rough. Then a year later when you try to work on things before divorce she will play mind games telling you she loves you and all the while fing some other man behind your back and taking the kids places all hours of the night. Will use you for money when she needs it all the while giving you false hopes of coming back to your arms. Wish I never met the bitch..
Guy, you're a damn pussy. Tell that bitch who runs the house. "I cheif bitch, you indian!". Don't let that woman get away with that shit.
Time to get even. Be a man. WHERE IS YOUR FUCKING MACHISMO!?
I work 60 to80 some times over a hundred hours a week come home tired as crap to find dirty house no food nothing. All she has time for is texting facebook and bitching. If i want somthing she tells me i can go get fast food
Man up! Leave that goat! After twenty years I am doing just that. Bang them and forget them. The kids will be fine, you will be happier. Just don't remarry. ALL women are useless, some are attractive NONE are worth any respect. There, I said it. 2013 will be a very good year.
Hey Buddy,
I understand entirely. For several years, for the sake of the kids, I put up with this kind of abuse,until I noticed she was being just as big a piece of shit to the kids, I put up with this kind of behaviour. Tonight, after years of abuse, I just old her I want a divorce, no really, I actually do mean that I want a divorce (in Australia we get 50/50 custody); and surprise, surprise she started crying and behaving like a civil human being. Too late! She punched me twice tonight because she was in a bad mood (not unusual because she thinks that domestic violence is only when men hit women). I held it together for my sons for years because I only wanted them to experience a loving family, but when this person constantly trashes me in front of them and then trashes them (they are great kids and don't deserve it) I will not be a wuss and let them be fucked up by her too.
Trust me mate, if your wife is as fucked as you described, you should leave her. The kids are the most important thing, make sure she doesn't fuck them up too (when my wife trashes me, she trashes me in front of the children and tells them not to be like me). Ironically, she usually winds up by saying "unfortunately, you are the perfect father". (Nevertheless, she tells the kids I am a loser, etc) . The boys can't constantly be told that the father they love is a loser, without serious psychological repercussions. They do love me and I am obviously a strong role model for them, this woman can only fuck them up and I won't let her.
My kids happiness means far more to me than my own. I after years of trying to save the family happiness by deferring to this immature piece of crap, who occasionally pretends to be a mother to them, I am going to strike a blow for my kids and get divorced. It will cost s ship-load, especially the lawyers, but the kids can grow up with their self esteem and know they don't have to stay in an abusive relationship when they grow up.
I actually feel bad for waiting so long, because I feel that the kids have wanted me to do this for some time. Ironically, they seem to have better recognised their mother's inadequacies and defective personality, some time ago. They love her, but they don't want to put up with her for long, they seem to be sympathising with me and "giving me the nod". I have to say, that the economic side of my divorce seems expensive (I have been economising the possibility for some time), but my time with the kids without that bitch is "gold" and I will never be responsible for her BS ever again. Furthermore, if she abuses the kids, I will also get 100 per cent custody, which will make the kids and me very happy (at the moment mama is someone they love but want to keep a distance from because she is so abusive).
Don't get me wrong, I am by no means a misogynist, there are plenty of male A-holes who are just as bad, but i=as your wife is just a passenger, putting up with her BS will only cause you and the kids more grief in the long run. If you are only holding on for the BJs, you are pathetic, they are not so hard to come by. Your kids come first! Man up and divorce the useless bitch!!
Cheers (a new life awaits)
JJ!