I had a work related human resources question yesterday, and as it was being answered it made my mind wander back to what it would be like to be a human resources person and how awesome it would be to ask the questions that drives everyone fucking nuts!!
“What do you feel you will bring to our organization?”
“What are your strengths?”
“What is your biggest weakness.”
“Can you please take your shirt off and twirl around for me?”….oh…I probably should have said that in my brain I’m the HR person for a porn film company.
So then I thought…wouldn’t it be awesome to do a real interview and actually answer the dreaded “What is your biggest weakness?” question honestly?
Interviewer: So WhyIsDaddyCrying, what would you say your biggest weakness is?
Me: Really? Are you fucking serious? You’re really going to ask me this god-forsaken question. Fine ya douche…let me answer it…
It honestly depends on who you’re talking to. My wife – she’d tell you it’s in keeping my hands to myself. She’d say the ability to keep the palm of my hands from her breasts or ass as she tries to walk by me is absolutely vacant from my physical capabilities.
My friends…they’d have a laundry list of my biggest weaknesses:
Does that answer your question or would you like me to continue.
Interviewer: Ummm…..well I…..you should probably gather your things and leave.
Me: Really? We’re not a match? That’s a shame because I really admire the mission of your organization and feel I could help drive a variety of strategic and successful initiatives under your leadership. Well..good luck to you anyway. In case you change your mind…let me reach in my pocket and get a business card for you……